The Griefer

[GentlemanFridge]

Now, this was written by a friend of mine. It started as a joke, but he took it seriously.

Griefers, are mysterious creatures. Such rare animals can be spotted in the dangerous jungles of "Pubs" and "Survival" deserts filled with despair and sadness. Unlike other normal species of players such as "Rookie", "Fighters", "Base-Builders" and "Nomads", griefers tend to be silent in the chat. They are divided into 3 categories: "Stealthy Griefers", "Loud Griefers", "Vote-Abusing Griefers". Stealthy griefers are a very rare species that has nearly gone extinct and most commonly seen on server with the vote system enabled, and survival worlds. Loud griefers are a very common type, since they are the most stupid out of the 3 categories and tend to show up everywhere and over-populate survival worlds. Vote-Abusing Grifers are a very rare species to come by, since they are people with no life, going from server to server and regenerating/kicking other people. Griefers tend to burn bases a lot, but a lot of them are un-aware of the rollback system. What makes these creatures even more mysterious, is that they don't seem to feed off of griefing, yet do it nonetheless. They seem to take pleasure in destroying what their fellow players have achieved. 

 

 Fighting against griefers. Many studies have shown that the best method to eliminate a griefer is to simply put a silver bullet into their heart, yet many people don't have access to this method. However, sometimes, if a griefer burns a camp, they can die in the flames themselves, leaving only the body and ashes behind for others to find. Some griefers don't care if there are admins on a server, but in some cases, if there is one, griefers will start to panic and leave the server.

These creatures have 1 weakness and that is their in-abillity to survive in the harsh worlds of Don't Starve. If a base is too far from a griefer, they will eventually die on the way to it, even if an ocuvigil or a moon stone is present. These mysterious animals don't have a complex mind, which makes them vulnerable to traps. To avoid griefers, one can make a fake camp and lead the potential griefer to it. If you come back and the camp is burned, congratulations! The monster fell for your trap.

Your best friend in griefer-hunting is their steam profile. These animals usually have a private profile, but in some cases, if they don't, they will usually have a small amount of hours put into this game or simply have comments warning people to avoid him. If you are not an admin on a server and you know that there is a griefer then things will most likely get rough. You must eliminate the griefer by any means or if they are in a camp, always keep an eye of them and once you see meet an admin, tell them what happened. 1 thing griefers can succeed in if they are smart enough is to succesfully burn/hammer/burn-hammer a base. Keep in mind that some admins can't rollback more than a few days, so if a base is destroyed, make an admins life easier, and stay out of that server.

Putting a silver bullet into a griefers heart is not the only method of eliminating them. If a server is not pvp, you will have limited methods to choose from. These include death by wetness that can be caused by waterballoons, death by fire that can be caused by using torches ( however don't get into it too much or you will become a griefer yourself), or simply if it's winter or summer, tell a griefer that you will pick them up from spawn and when you do, go round and round until the eventually die. In the old days, a griefer could be telelocated even after his death. In the present that is not possible anymore.
 

 Griefers don't have a very complex form of reproduction, a griefers mating call is usually a special set of words that can differ, but mostly it is "where is base". Once a griefer finds a target he will be dead set to burn it. If someone is in the base as it is being destroyed, some people may become angry and choose the dark side and go the wrong path and unleash their anger on other peoples bases. That is their unusual form of reproduction, as i said, they are "mysterious creatures"

 

 

Kudos to my friend @Mentos, for taking the effort of writing this.

 

[CaptainChaotica]

(snerk)  Ohmygod, is it weird that I totally "heard" that whole thing in like this hushed, uppah-clahss British accent, narrator voice?  Because I totally did.  (whispering)  "Here, we have a rare glimpse of the Stealthy Griefer in his natural habitat. Notice how he does not display his fiery plumage until the exact moment of the attack!"

XD

...Notorious

[KoreanWaffles]

Sounds like PvP to me.

[Rellimarual]

What are the characteristics of a Loud Griefer?

 

[AnonymousKoala]

3 hours ago, KoreanWaffles said:

Sounds like PvP to me.

Replace griefers with STS and you got something close to that.

[Mikeadatrix]

14 hours ago, CaptainChaotica said:

(snerk)  Ohmygod, is it weird that I totally "heard" that whole thing in like this hushed, uppah-clahss British accent, narrator voice?  Because I totally did.  (whispering)  "Here, we have a rare glimpse of the Stealthy Griefer in his natural habitat. Notice how he does not display his fiery plumage until the exact moment of the attack!"

XD

...Notorious

I heard Ted Bear.

CyanideAndHappiness Anyone?

[GentlemanFridge]

It's now twice as big! Have fun reading.

[Angibot]

I didn't read 

(But seems funny , but seems too long)

[mikesdaman]

On 12/5/2016 at 2:18 PM, WishIHadAFridge said:

 Griefers don't have a very complex form of reproduction, a griefers mating call is usually a special set of words that can differ, but mostly it is "where is base".

ded.

 

I hope you're happy with the fact that this made me snort at 7 in the morning.

[Footman Crouch]

How about the pack griefer that follow the alpha and hunt prey with teamwork? I met em often XD

[Arlesienne]

Nobody has mentioned the savoir-vivre griefer yet - it is a very sad day for the scientific world.

These specimens' biology is greatly divergent from the more widespread variants. Possibly reliant on photosynthesis, we cannot firmly establish its place in the ecosystem of DST. Only their obvious life-sustaining habits are commonly agreed among the scholars: these creatures are ardent traumaphages. The more interested their prey is in commonplace decorum, the less thick-skinned and of a literary disposition, the more the griefer can feed.

As far as reproduction is concerned, savoir-vivre griefers are infertile within its own species - instead, they exclusively pursue members not of their own genus, even, since the mating call of the savoir-vivre griefer does not appeal to those of its own kind. Upon spotting a vulnerable specimen of a different kind, they proceed to present them with their all-permeating song (whispers are never used) until the chosen mate reacts, progressively redesigning its physiology to match the other's needs, eventually turning into one. Biological and in-game sex of the parties involved does not matter. Yours truly has observed this species practising parthenogenesis involving two Wigfrids and one Wendy*.

Fortunately this species is relatively easy to castrate. A bold scholar simply needs to use the muting option, then proceed to ban the griefer from the server and block them through Steam. Savoir-vivre insists on sharing the data through private fellowships in order to eventually see the species featured in the IUCN Red List of Threatened Species under EX.

All this was presented in my Received Pronunciation as @CaptainChaotica wanted .

*These three were female players maining Wigfrid and Wendy. Parthenogenesis as heck.

[Endrew]

Most of these creatures has voices that sound like flutes and carry odd fire-cans with floral patterns on them, even though they really have nothing to do with fire.

[TomCleisis]

This sounds like a future TV show to me. Thanks a lot to the person making this post, you gave me a good laugh. ;P

[mikesdaman]

3 hours ago, TomCleisis said:

This sounds like a future TV show to me. Thanks a lot to the person making this post, you gave me a good laugh. ;P

We need a documentary on Don't Starve culture.

[CaptainChaotica]

(snerk)  Yeah, I'm still totally hearing the hushed British-accent narrator voice with this.  I especially love the "parthogenetic reproduction" (kinda appropriate, as I and the one griefer who burned down my base _and then started hitting on me_ were both playing female characters) and the mating call being "where is base." 

To be fair, though, sometimes that's just the call of a young noob who doesn't know much about the game/etiquette yet.  You can't tell them apart from griefers just from that.  And that's part of the griefer's plan.

...Notorious

[Begeesy]

I am your local greifer and

I approve this message

[mikesdaman]

12 minutes ago, Begeesy said:

I am your local greifer and

I approve this message

Farmed locally for maximum destruction.

[CaptainChaotica]

Well, you wouldn't want any of them there _foreign_ griefers! 

(Who am I kidding--with my weird hours, MOST of the people who play on my server are from other countries... : P)

...Notorious

[Pelliway]

I've never been a griefer and never will. But  when I'm an admin on a server, there's like this little voice whispering "spawn 6 dragonflies." I can't shake the feeling that it would be fun to create a world just to see how much I can destroy it. 

[GentlemanFridge]

Man, I wasn't expecting so many likes and laughs! Thanks everyone, I'll be sure to tell the author.

[GentlemanFridge]

18 hours ago, mikesdaman said:

We need a documentary on Don't Starve culture.

This was the idea, actually. Would be amazing if such a thing actually came to be.

[minespatch]

On 12/9/2016 at 6:07 PM, mikesdaman said:

We need a documentary on Don't Starve culture.

David Warner or Stephen Fry for narrator.

[mikesdaman]

2 hours ago, minespatch said:

David Warner or Stephen Fry for narrator.

Now I'm imagining a mod where every line of dialogue has a sound clip of David Warner reading said line.

[minespatch]

8 minutes ago, mikesdaman said:

Now I'm imagining a mod where every line of dialogue has a sound clip of David Warner reading said line.

So am I.

[mikesdaman]

4 minutes ago, minespatch said:

So am I.

"When I have the Science Machine, I will be free, and the server will be different. Because I have understanding-"

 

"Understanding of what, Wilson?"

 

"Electrical Doodads. And soon I shall have understanding of Alchemy Engines and Prestihatitators. And when I have understanding of them, I shall have understanding of the shadow manipulator. And when I have understanding of shadow manipulators, I shall be the supreme scientist."