kilozombie2 Posted December 4, 2012 Share Posted December 4, 2012 I don't know when now is.I guess- I guess I can keep telling myself it doesn't matter until the end. But it... it does, in a way. I know I'm going to die, I didn't need to put it on paper. The spiders, the dogs, the pigs. I'm going to die. If there's salvation in knowing when; knowing how long it took.I'd like that salvation.So I'll guess it's around the six hundredth day I have been here. This island, these clumps of islands. Otherworldly places. Trust me, I've tried a boat. I made a frigate, the size of a luxury liner, out of wood and silk. The current doesn't want me to leave. I gave up digging my hole a while back. Maybe fifty feet deep and spanning an entire island. There is nothing left for me.The pigs are indifferent. I know them well but they forget me every day. I guess- ha, it's a side effect of what happened before. What I used to do.I made spears with the rocks I could find. I... I murdered so many of those pigs. Cooked their flesh, created armor from their skin. I shake as I write- I may still have it in me to do it again. So helpless they are, and how experienced I have become.It is how I sustained my hunger for the first weeks. Many, many weeks. Those weeks ended as the first hounds came and burned down everything I cherished. I think that was only a third of a year in. Such a short time to me now. And, well, I don't want to say I've lost all emotion. Some nights I curl up under a tree and weep, scream and relive the happiest times. I remember when it was about revenge, revenge, revenge. The thrill of killing.Now I do feel empty. I don't know what else I can do with my life at this point. I stand motionless most days. Nights are full of wariness before the hounds come. But it isn't adrenaline that fuels that defense. It's exhaustion. I am done with life.The hundredth day was when it all burned. I felt revenge, anger, I felt emotion. I killed them all. I marched across island to island, stabbing and eradicating the spiders as I went. I kept their eggs. Somewhere in there I took off my armor, just the clothes on my back, and kept on fighting. They all died.There was no relief. No reward. I hadn't fulfilled anything. I was still here.I planted the eggs on a coast as far away from my island as possible. They hatched. They lived. I would watch from a mile away as they enjoyed life. Not that I hated life. Not that I had suicidal thoughts. But I was in a limbo between sadness and anger and nothingness.I dressed myself up with the most fanciful clothes and waited and sat and watched. I stripped myself bare naked and waited and sat and watched. I armored myself with rocks and logs and helmets and waited and sat and watched.Watched the pigs, no matter how primitive, enjoy their life. I watched them feel genuine anger. Genuine fear. None of my emotions felt real- I was secluded and alone and nobody cared. I regretted crying which only fueled my fear.I made innovations in science. I created scarecrows that could bring me back from death, built magical amulets that would do the same. I made a calculator that could handle addition and subtraction to the fifth digit out of anything I could find. I don't think this is what kept me going. If anything, I'd see it as a detriment now. All there is to do is live, or die. I can live here for a very long time. I can die any time I wish.Everything else is just a supplement.It is my birthday today. I write this on the edge of a long cliff to the ocean. I will die upon impact. I promised myself to keep my beard from old times, I made that promise so early on, but I destroyed it, I burned the hair that remained. I have nothing left to gain or lose. Dying won't help me. Living won't either.But maybe it would have.My name is still Wilson. If you are reading this, I should have stayed alive.The paper ends here. There is no trace of Wilson on the entire island... 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Create an account or sign in to comment
You need to be a member in order to leave a comment
Create an account
Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!Register a new account
Already have an account? Sign in here.Sign In Now