The Dreaded Gnome Wars


Recommended Posts

        I was hosting the server. I had the long pig mod and the RoG characters mod installed. I was Wigfrid. My cousin Greg was Willow. We existed peacefully, just the two of us. We hunted. We gathered. We explored. Eventually, we started a base together. We were prepared for Winter. We were doing really well. Until it happened...

 

        I was looking for...something. i don't remember what. Food? Rocks? I don't know. I came across a grave, and decided to dig it up. I got the lady gnome! I alerted Willow to this. I brought it back to the base and put it down. Of course, Willow picked up the gnome. I demanded she put it back down. She did. Over the next few days, this continued to happen. One dusk, she refused to hand it back. After some running around, it happened. I lashed out, and struck her with my battle spear! And so began the dreaded Gnome Wars. We both stood there for a moment. She started to run away, and I lost all control! I ran after her, brandishing my spear and screaming. She kept lighting fires behind her to stop me. I kept chasing her into spider dens. Eventually, it happened. Wigfrid's damage multiplier was too much for Willow, and I delivered the final killing blow. I had the gnome! My cousin got bored, so he left the server. I was left alone in a burnt forest with the skeleton of my former partner and hunk of long pig.  I don't know what came over me. The next thing I knew, I was standing next to a campfire, guzzling down the roasted flesh of my former comrade. The horrifying thing is...it tasted kind of good...

 

        The next morning, I trudged back to the base. With a heavy heart, I placed the gnome between the science machine and the alchemy engine, like I always wanted. I DID IT! I WON! THE GNOME WARS ARE OVER! But...at what cost? My only companion in this cold and lonely world... Oh God, oh God, WHAT HAVE I DONE? WILLOW! I'M SORRYYYYYY! This gnome... this accursed gnome...YOU DID THIS! I HATE YOU! I left Chester by the gnome, so that somebody would at least enjoy the fruits of my labor. I made my way back to the resting place of my fallen comrade. I even burnt some trees and berry bushes down on the way. I let the flames lick at my skin. We always argued about the burning of trees. Heh. How I miss the before times. I reached my destination. I stood by her corpse and wept for an eternity. I pulled myself together. I knew what I had to do. I'll be with you soon Willow. I'll be with you soon... I used Willow's lighter to burn some manure at my feet. As the flames consumed be, and my last dying breath exited my body, I thought to my self; I'm with you now Willow. I'm with you now...

 

        This horrible chain of events gives us an insight into the workings of humanity. It shows that inside us all, there is a monster, that, when awakened by greed, can turn the best of friendships into the bloodiest of rivalries. If a dispute over a mere trinket of value could lead to such tragedy, who knows what else could happen? So, I ask of you; Don't make my mistake. Learn to share with your fellow human beings. It is the only hope of survival as a civilization and as a species that we have. Spread love and kindness everywhere you go. And remember, don't starve!

 

Thank you.

 

 

Edit: Scroll down for part 2!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

This story is awesome, I keep coming back here waiting for my 1st post to be approved and  "# of Likes" to recharge just to say this.

 

What happened to your cousin? Did he play with you again? Did he ever try to get back at you and start Gnome Wars II?

 

We have started a new world, where I am WX-78 and he is Willow. We haven't played in a few days though. In the event that I come across another gnome, I'll probably quietly trade it to the pig king. If the gnome is discovered, I'll probably be able to take Greg down, since I've eaten 9 gears.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

We have started a new world, where I am WX-78 and he is Willow. We haven't played in a few days though. In the event that I come across another gnome, I'll probably quietly trade it to the pig king. If the gnome is discovered, I'll probably be able to take Greg down, since I've eaten 9 gears.

Great story and how did you get so many gears?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

i'm kind of mad that the gnome wars didn't continue

 

 

What happened to your cousin? Did he play with you again? Did he ever try to get back at you and start Gnome Wars II?

 

It isn't enough to start a new topic, but in case you were wondering, here is what happened:

 

Part II: The Secret Gnome Heist

In the new world I mentioned a while ago, we achieved a stable lifestyle. I was WX-78 this time, and Greg was Willow. We had spiders, rabbits, and a bird. Bacon and eggs was pretty much the only thing we ate. At one point, Willow found another lady gnome. If I couldn't have it, nobody could...

 

I didn't want to kill her. It wasn't worth it. I had to wait for the right time to swoop in and grab the trinket. One day, around day 50, it happened. I don't remember exactly what happened. A tallbird? I don't know. Anyway, she was dead. While she went off on a ghostly adventure,I proceeded to swipe up the gnome and store it in my pack. I gave her a telltale heart shortly afterward. We continued on, with the gnome now in my possession, unbeknownst to my partner in survival. After a while, she informed me that she had lost her gnome, and asked if I took it. I said no. I had pulled it off. The gnome was mine! And so, the long game began. I held that gnome for the next 150 days or so. My goal was to give it to the pig king. This was easier said than done.

 

I searched and searched. I explored the far east, the wild west, the great white north, and the deep south. The supreme swine was nowhere to be found.

 

Day 200. I still had the gnome, unfortunately. I had not accomplished my goal. By this point, another Willow (My brother) had joined us. Willow #1 (Greg) had become obsessed with acquiring a Tam O' Shanter. We were in the deep south with a small pig army, ready to launch an assault. Then, the snarling began. The hounds ere drawing near, and we were about to get caught out in the middle of the woods with our pants down. At dawn, the beasts descended upon us. The Willows dropped quickly. I had consumed 11 gears by this point, so I was able to tank them for a little while. Eventually, I became one of the fallen. I made my way to a touch stone I had seen before, and possessed it. I had entered the world once again! I had a plan. I was going to eat the gears that dropped, then resurrect everyone else. The hounds didn't like my plan. After I used another touch stone, then died again, my comrades and I reminisced about the fun times we had and said our goodbyes to the base and our bird, Red Commie. That name was given because the Redbird had eaten Willow #1 for the good of the people on several occasions. As the countdown came to an end, I confessed.

 

Gregoryyyyyyyy? I have a confession. For most of the game I've had your gnome.

 

He wasn't too happy.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

Please be aware that the content of this thread may be outdated and no longer applicable.