the wish (wilton's origin)

[roboman101]

(Wilton's the unimplemented skeleton character but I still came up with his past, I'm also horrible at drawing, but tell me what you think and let your imagination be your illustration) The wishWilton was and ordinary man around the 1800's with a kind, teenage son, John and wife, Jasmine and a job as a designer for chain reactions, and a dream to see the future he was as happy as he could be. Until one day, he was robbed, and it continued for over a month, fortunately , Wilton has been working on a way to trap the thief, all be was missing was the cage. Seeing he's upset, Jasmineasked Wilton to head over to his best friend, George's house to hang out and talk, and asked john to hang out with his friend, Harold, while she went shopping. On the way to George's house, Wilton came across a black market with so called magical items, and be saw a large cage which the shopkeeper said could trap a demon, but Wilton didn't care, it was a cage that could trap a person, he instantly bought it and set it up and baited it with the last valuable item he had, the map of the void. After Wilton came back to his house to find a tall, thin man in a very fancy and unusual suit be admitted to stealing Wilton's precious items and in return offered him his stuff back, plus a wish, after thinking a moment be wished for being alive and on the earth to the future, the man introduced his name, smirked, and smoked, blowing ash into Wilton's face after he was handed the key, and, after coughing and gagging for a few minutes, Wilton saw the man was gone and he felt an odd sensation in his soul, Highly satisfied, felling as if be was blessed.Days passed, those days turned to months, the months tuned to years and Wilton saw how his friends and family age while he didn't until eventually, they died, with no descendants, and all that time Wilton never forgot that mans name: Maxwell. Things just got worse once his body started decomposing as if it was dead, until there was nothing left but a skeleton and a soul, although he could still talk, breath, eat, think, and feel pain, what was thought to be a blessing was really a curse, and now his new dream is to die. One day, in the year 1920, Wilton, now hiding from the modern people, found Maxwell by the street at night with no one around, Wilton begged to lift the curse, but Maxwell refused, and laughed evilly. Furious, along with realizing that he would still be with his family if Maxwell haven't given him such a selfish thought, Wilton charged at Maxwell, attempting to kill him, but missed, and landed on his skull face, only instead of feeling concrete, he felt grass, he was somewhere else, he looked up to see Maxwell, who said "say pal, you don't look so good".

Edited February 20, 2013 by roboman101

[Wilson P. Higgsbury]

There is a mistake in the timeline at the end, the game is set during the 1920s .

[Symage]

There is a mistake in the timeline at the end, the game is set during the 1920s .

During 1920? I tought 1880-1900! :/

[MilleniumCount]

Somewhen during the Victorian era. (1837 -1901)

[Wilson P. Higgsbury]

Somewhen during the Victorian era. (1837 -1901)

Noh u shaddap i r teh corekt

[Symage]

Noh u shaddap i r teh corekt

Ok.Source? Edited February 12, 2013 by Symage

[Wilson P. Higgsbury]

Ok.Source?

Okay, errrr uhm. This never happened! *poof*

[ScienceMachine]

Don't you think that writing all the way to the present year's a bit too much? 200+ years of living and still be sane is a massive flaw in writing about the human psyche :T

[Symage]

Okay, errrr uhm. This never happened! *poof*

Ummm......Ok

[MilleniumCount]

Okay, errrr uhm. This never happened! *poof*

What is never happend? ^^The story is quite interesting. Although I don't believe Maxwell would steal any stuff himself and then get trapped in a falling cage? But the wish for eternal life and the negativ outcome fits with a demon trade I think. And as Science said I would not drag it in our present time. He will turn out to be a skeleton not long after being cursed. How does he fit in his world after he is a semi undead that I would know.Keep up writing please. I also am a passionate writer but I don't want to write in english because I fear it would turn out not very good. Already it doesn't sound right.^^

[Wilson P. Higgsbury]

What is never happend?

What I ment from "This never happened" is me saying that the game takes place during the 1920s.

[MilleniumCount]

I know, I was trying to say that something that never happened... never happened! So there happened nothing... it's a paradox

Edited February 12, 2013 by MilleniumCount

[Wilson P. Higgsbury]

I know, I was trying to say that something that never happend... never happened!

No shut up, this never happened in a time where this never happened in a time where this never happened. I think we're done here.

[Toaster Fu]

Ok.Source?

My job is done here.

[Symage]

My job is done here.

Now fly away!

[ScienceMachine]

Either way, I got plenty of things to throw at to this story. First of all; Don't self claim to being a good craftsman, it only brings bad luck.

My gripes;

[*]The structure of the story is too compacted. Give it some rooms and split the story into different paragraphs.

[*]Do not repeat yourself; You don't have to repeat about who Jasmine is hanging out with. Just list unimportant characters as simple terms like 'friends'.

[*]The your general idea about demons; I'm pretty sure Maxwell has better things to do than to do petty theft just so he could curse a random bloke.

[*]Immortals don't decompose over time, that's silly.

[*]Don't write too big of a time-gap, no mere man can keep up with 200+ years of living, not especially with unresolved guilt.

[*]How does a living pile of skeletons disguise themselves as a human?

[*]I'm also pretty sure that Maxwell doesn't just hang out in random dark alleyways. Not especially in 2013.

[Wilson P. Higgsbury]

I'm also pretty sure that Maxwell doesn't just hang out in random dark alleyways. Not especially in 2013.

Maxwell is a drug dealer and all the characters are high. This is the most realistic theory of all time.

[ScienceMachine]

Maxwell is a drug dealer and all the characters are high. This is the most realistic theory of all time.

With a fancy suit like that? Puh-lease. He'd rather be the Source guy rather than the dealer. Or at least the executive of EA.

[Wilson P. Higgsbury]

With a fancy suit like that? Puh-lease. He'd rather be the Source guy rather than the dealer. Or at least the executive of EA.

He is Hoyt.

[MilleniumCount]

[*]The structure of the story is too compacted. Give it some rooms and split the story into different paragraphs.

[*]Do not repeat yourself; You don't have to repeat about who Jasmine is hanging out with. Just list unimportant characters as simple terms like 'friends'.

[*]The your general idea about demons; I'm pretty sure Maxwell has better things to do than to do petty theft just so he could curse a random bloke.

[*]Immortals don't decompose over time, that's silly.

[*]Don't write too big of a time-gap, no mere man can keep up with 200+ years of living, not especially with unresolved guilt.

[*]How does a living pile of skeletons disguise themselves as a human?

[*]I'm also pretty sure that Maxwell doesn't just hang out in random dark alleyways. Not especially in 2013.

1. Check

2. Check

3. Stated that already, perhaps a minor demon gives Wilton the chance to talk to his boss?

4. This is depending on how you define immortality. The absence of dead by old age doesn't include the staying in your present apearance forever. It's a demonic deal....

5. Check, there must be something. he couldn't be the same person after this period

6. That's a question I'm interested in.

7. Check

[ScienceMachine]

Depends on your definition of immortality. The removal of death by old age doesn't involve the preservation of your appearance forever.

Yes, but immortality in general means living forever with no draw backs; like aging, diseases and other essential needs like food and breathing, effectively invincible to death.BUT! If he had said that his soul is bound to his bones, then I would have believed it better.

It is a deal wit a demon, after all ...

That's where you're wrong; if it were a curse, it would have taken in effect much earlier, especially when Maxwell made him breathe that "Magic Smoke". Especially when the curse involves having your flesh age to dust.Again, this curse would have worked better if Wilton's soul was bound to his bones rather than being so-called immortal.

[MilleniumCount]

BUT! If he had said that his soul is bound to his bones, then I would have believed it better.

Ok, sounds logical to me.

where you're wrong; if it were a curse, it would have taken in effect much earlier, especially when Maxwell made him breathe that "Magic Smoke". Especially when the curse involves having your flesh age to dust.

Couldn't it be some PC. (post curse clause).^^ I think this depends on subjective perception of how a curse should work.

[RockinMouse]

It's a good story. All the advise given here is valid and should be applied.. Also, it would be better if you checked your story before publishing it. Errors just look unprofessional But good story.

[roboman101]

hey hey hey, i told you i wasnt finished until now, and i put the time to be different to add effect to show that wilton may be added during this year, and i just picked a random year, quit overthinking it everybody

[ScienceMachine]

hey hey hey, i told you i wasnt finished until now, and i put the time to be different to add effect to show that wilton may be added during this year, and i just picked a random year, quit overthinking it everybody

Another writer's rule of thumb; Don't release anything until it's properly edited. No one want's to read an unfinished/unpolished piece of literature and no one wants to be criticized for it.