roboman101 Posted February 13, 2013 Author Share Posted February 13, 2013 well i just edited it now, and hopefully its better and there will be less criticizing please also the reason maxwell let himself get trapped and that he would be trapped is that wilton seemed like the perfect victim to be on his new island, and that his body rotted, its a catch, he said he would stay on the earth, he didn't say he would be immortal, and about that it wasn't finished i ran out of time, if i spent any more time working on it i would be in big trouble. and about the original errors, i started it on my tablet, its super slow and it doesn't have a dictionary Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ScienceMachine Posted February 13, 2013 Share Posted February 13, 2013 There will be less criticizingYou're just running through the Writer's Guidelines! Don't ask for less criticism! Criticism is good, it tells you what you're doing wrong and what you can do to be better.[*]Leaving a blank row from each line makes the entire thing even more disgusting; It just looks terrible.[*]Use capital letters for the first letter of a name.[*]The entire thing just doesn't makes sense.Why did Wilton take a month to make a trap rather than to just report to the local authority? How does he manage to live a peaceful life while living very close to a black market?[*]Don't use that "No dictionary" excuse. It never works; You don't need a dictionary to spell. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pokebirds Posted February 13, 2013 Share Posted February 13, 2013 wow. it's just rain of pain all up in here! XD Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wilson P. Higgsbury Posted February 13, 2013 Share Posted February 13, 2013 You're just running through the Writer's Guidelines! Don't ask for less criticism! Criticism is good, it tells you what you're doing wrong and what you can do to be better.[*]Leaving a blank row from each line makes the entire thing even more disgusting; It just looks terrible.[*]Use capital letters for the first letter of a name.[*]The entire thing just doesn't makes sense.Why did Wilton take a month to make a trap rather than to just report to the local authority? How does he manage to live a peaceful life while living very close to a black market?[*]Don't use that "No dictionary" excuse. It never works; You don't need a dictionary to spell.Jeebus SM! Take it easy on the poor guy! His scrambling to correct himself while you throw criticism at whatever he does. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ScienceMachine Posted February 13, 2013 Share Posted February 13, 2013 (edited) jeebus sm! Take it easy on the poor guy! His scrambling to correct himself while you throw criticism at whatever he does.Burn it all to the ground! >=DBut really, I mean no harm.Just don't self-claim about your abilities; modesty is good. Being highly about your own work only causes people's standards for you to rise, which is good, but if you don't have proof to back it up, you're only setting yourself up for pain.And do not reject constructive criticism; while it may sound harsh (often that is does) criticism helps you grow into a better craftsman. It's like manure, it smells, no one wants it, but it's good for the plant and it helps it grow. Criticism points out what's wrong with your craft and this in turn will let you know what you can do to make your next craft even better. Edited February 13, 2013 by ScienceMachine Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wilson P. Higgsbury Posted February 13, 2013 Share Posted February 13, 2013 (edited) Burn it all to the ground! >=DBut really, I mean no harm.Just don't self-claim about your abilities; modesty is good. Being highly about your own work only causes people's standards for you to rise, which is good, but if you don't have proof to back it up, you're only setting yourself up for pain.And do not reject constructive criticism; while it may sound harsh (often that is does) criticism helps you grow into a better craftsman. It's like manure, it smells, no one wants it, but it's good for the plant and it helps it grow. Criticism points out what's wrong with your craft and this in turn will let you know what you can do to make your next craft even better.But you do know that you may have been demotivating him right? Edited February 13, 2013 by Wilson P. Higgsbury Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ScienceMachine Posted February 13, 2013 Share Posted February 13, 2013 But you do know that you may have been demotivating him right?I haven't mastered criticism just yet ... the "... But cheer up, you'll do better next time" part. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wilson P. Higgsbury Posted February 13, 2013 Share Posted February 13, 2013 I haven't mastered criticism just yet ... the "... But cheer up, you'll do better next time" part.No worries, on your next level up you will get one skill point to spend on that skill. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RockinMouse Posted February 13, 2013 Share Posted February 13, 2013 Okay... this was better. I liked the ending alot with the falling on grass, but (and I know this shouldn't bother me) Maxwell actually says :"Say pal...."Oh and just one ity bity thing:Try making more sentences. Take this paragraph for instance:"Wilton was and ordinary man around the 1800's with a kind, teenage son, john and wife, jasmine and a job as a designer for chain reactions, and a dream to see the future he was as happy as he couldbe until one day, he was robbed, and it continued for over a month, fortunately , wilton has been working on a way to trap the thief, all be was missing was the cage"That's ALL one sentence!Try splitting it up. This way the reader doesn't get tired of reading and also your story is longer which is a plus + ! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
roboman101 Posted February 13, 2013 Author Share Posted February 13, 2013 You're just running through the Writer's Guidelines! Don't ask for less criticism! Criticism is good, it tells you what you're doing wrong and what you can do to be better.[*]Leaving a blank row from each line makes the entire thing even more disgusting; It just looks terrible.[*]Use capital letters for the first letter of a name.[*]The entire thing just doesn't makes sense.Why did Wilton take a month to make a trap rather than to just report to the local authority? How does he manage to live a peaceful life while living very close to a black market?[*]Don't use that "No dictionary" excuse. It never works; You don't need a dictionary to spell.Sorry I'm not actually a writer I just say something and hope its good don't think about the details just see the main point that Wilton was tricked and be misses his family your not supposed to think about how all that happened and how its logical just enjoy it Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
roboman101 Posted February 13, 2013 Author Share Posted February 13, 2013 Okay... this was better. I liked the ending alot with the falling on grass, but (and I know this shouldn't bother me) Maxwell actually says :"Say pal...."Oh and just one ity bity thing:Try making more sentences. Take this paragraph for instance:"Wilton was and ordinary man around the 1800's with a kind, teenage son, john and wife, jasmine and a job as a designer for chain reactions, and a dream to see the future he was as happy as he couldbe until one day, he was robbed, and it continued for over a month, fortunately , wilton has been working on a way to trap the thief, all be was missing was the cage"That's ALL one sentence!Try splitting it up. This way the reader doesn't get tired of reading and also your story is longer which is a plus + !I'll see what I can do it may take a bit I'm using my tablet again and to easily edit it I need a computer Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
roboman101 Posted February 13, 2013 Author Share Posted February 13, 2013 i saw how some where questioning on how wilton was disguised as a man, its like in the book "the invisible man" where the invisible man used bandages, dark goggles, gloves, a hat, and a large coat and boots to hide his unnatural state Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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