Morgan17 Posted January 13, 2014 Share Posted January 13, 2014 http://forums.kleientertainment.com/topic/30871-the-screecher-creepypasta/http://forums.kleientertainment.com/topic/30889-glitchy-mod-0666-creepypasta-part-1/http://forums.kleientertainment.com/topic/30901-glitchy-mod-0666-creepypasta-part-2/These are my first three creepypastas. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted January 13, 2014 Share Posted January 13, 2014 The last two were pretty good, but the first was excellent! IMO, it can be a tad bit creepier, and try not to overuse cliches, like"THERE WAS A PIG HEAD THAT WAS CHOPPED OFF IT HAD HYPER REALISTIC BLOOD AND EYES AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH2SPOOKY" Of course, I'm just rambling here. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ARamblingSpider Posted January 14, 2014 Share Posted January 14, 2014 The last two were pretty good, but the first was excellent! IMO, it can be a tad bit creepier, and try not to overuse cliches, like"THERE WAS A PIG HEAD THAT WAS CHOPPED OFF IT HAD HYPER REALISTIC BLOOD AND EYES AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH2SPOOKY" Of course, I'm just rambling here.THEN A SKELETON POPPED OUT AND SAID BOO. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Morgan17 Posted January 14, 2014 Author Share Posted January 14, 2014 THEN A SKELETON POPPED OUT AND SAID BOO.no. (I give you all credit for no's) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jbeetle Posted January 14, 2014 Share Posted January 14, 2014 THEN A SKELETON POPPED OUT AND SAID BOO.ghost* Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
23rd Posted January 14, 2014 Share Posted January 14, 2014 You could use a bit more description on why your characters act they way they do (and maybe avoid some of the unnecessary creepypasta cliches as Daver said, the last one would have been perfect without the "Devil himself" thing in my opinion) but these actually flow quite decently. Kudos. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Morgan17 Posted January 14, 2014 Author Share Posted January 14, 2014 The last two were pretty good, but the first was excellent! IMO, it can be a tad bit creepier, and try not to overuse cliches, like"THERE WAS A PIG HEAD THAT WAS CHOPPED OFF IT HAD HYPER REALISTIC BLOOD AND EYES AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH2SPOOKY" Of course, I'm just rambling here. You could use a bit more description on why your characters act they way they do (and maybe avoid some of the unnecessary creepypasta cliches as Daver said, the last one would have been perfect without the "Devil himself" thing in my opinion) but these actually flow quite decently. Kudos.Thanks guys. I'll use your tips in the next ones I make. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HoneyHam Posted January 14, 2014 Share Posted January 14, 2014 Yaaay! Positive things! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Battal Posted January 14, 2014 Share Posted January 14, 2014 The first one was excellent, but the second one...eh. Jumpscares like red hands popping out of the screen don't really work in stories. It has to be something that can make a mental picture of something horrible. Do that, and you've got a good creepypasta. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ARamblingSpider Posted January 14, 2014 Share Posted January 14, 2014 The first one was excellent, but the second one...eh. Jumpscares like red hands popping out of the screen don't really work in stories. It has to be something that can make a mental picture of something horrible. Do that, and you've got a good creepypasta.Reminds me of the "more scary stories to tell in the dark" the stories themselves were hardly scary, But jesus christ those pictures were the perfect mix of disturbing and nightmare fuel. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Battal Posted January 14, 2014 Share Posted January 14, 2014 Reminds me of the "more scary stories to tell in the dark" the stories themselves were hardly scary, But jesus christ those pictures were the perfect mix of disturbing and nightmare fuel.Yes. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Morgan17 Posted January 16, 2014 Author Share Posted January 16, 2014 I have but one thing to say about all of this.Thanks for the tips. Now, how about we celebrate with some Death the Kid? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
23rd Posted January 17, 2014 Share Posted January 17, 2014 The first one was excellent, but the second one...eh. Jumpscares like red hands popping out of the screen don't really work in stories. It has to be something that can make a mental picture of something horrible. Do that, and you've got a good creepypasta.DO YOU THINK I PAINT GOOD MENTAL PICTURES OF SCARY THINGS? Ah sh*t, I was trying to be nonchalant but wound up screaming out my desire to have my work critiqued, in someone else's thread no l- hey Lays is coming out with a cookie dough flavored potato chip, I want that. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Battal Posted January 17, 2014 Share Posted January 17, 2014 DO YOU THINK I PAINT GOOD MENTAL PICTURES OF SCARY THINGS? Ah sh*t, I was trying to be nonchalant but wound up screaming out my desire to have my work critiqued, in someone else's thread no l- hey Lays is coming out with a cookie dough flavored potato chip, I want that.You have a title. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
23rd Posted January 17, 2014 Share Posted January 17, 2014 You have a title.Yeah! It made me pretty damn hau'oli when I first saw it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Morgan17 Posted January 18, 2014 Author Share Posted January 18, 2014 Reminds me of the "more scary stories to tell in the dark" the stories themselves were hardly scary, But jesus christ those pictures were the perfect mix of disturbing and nightmare fuel.I actually saw one of my piers with that book. Coincidence? I think not. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Luggs Posted January 18, 2014 Share Posted January 18, 2014 Wow...you have quite the knack. These are actually pretty good. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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