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      UPDATED - Studio Note & Rhymes with Play Streams Temporarily Canceled.   03/06/2020

      UPDATE (3/19/20): Just a quick note regarding the team at Klei Entertainment. As noted previously, everybody at Klei Entertainment is working from home due to the Covid-19 outbreak. Many of us have been working especially hard to help maintain operations as we all move out of the office and into our homes and with everything being done online, extra time must be spent in organizing conversations and trying to maintain communication. As some of you may know, we have a very open office and we are almost always in contact with each other as we go about our days. Some of us work across multiple teams and that work has become a bit more challenging for everybody.   That being said, at this time the transition has not caused any major disruption in our operations, but it would be overly optimistic to expect that we won't have any delays at all. We're going to have to be especially mindful about this in the coming weeks and make sure we don't take on too much work so we can keep things running smoothly.  We will let you know as we see how these changes affect our timelines.  Thanks UPDATE (3/10/20):
      The test yesterday went well. We got the whole office (mostly) to work from home without significant issue. As a result, Klei Staff that can work from home have been asked to do so until further notice.  This means that we will have to cancel the Rhymes with Play stream until we are all back in the office. This shouldn't affect anything else at least in the short term, but if things change I will update you all here.  Original Post: Hey everybody,  This Tuesday March 10th, 2020 the entire staff at Klei will be working remotely for 1 day in an effort to prepare the studio to work remotely for a little while if the need arises.  Klei is already set up pretty well to allow for working remotely, however we are going to have a one day "dry run" with the whole studio so that we can identify and avoid any issues or downtime that may arise should choose to implement a work from home policy due to COVID-19 outbreak concerns. Unfortunately this does mean that we will be canceling the “Rhymes with Play” Art stream this coming Tuesday, however unless the situation changes we expect everything at the studio to be back to normal Wednesday and we’ll continue our regular stream schedule Thursday March 12th. If the situation changes at all, we'll let you know. Thanks for your understanding.


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Everything posted by 23rd

  1. Fir It was always so cold out, he thought he could freeze at any moment. He tried to remember what the Summer was like, but the days had dragged on so long he couldn't. Honestly, he was beginning to question if there ever was a Summer. This place did things to you, did things to your mind. You never knew what was real, what was imagined. For all he knew he could have lived in this world all his life.. but if that was true shouldn't surviving just from day to day be easier than this? He was always so hungry, and everything he met immediately tried to kill him. A village full of Werepigs in the middle of the night, a savannah full of Beefalo during mating season.. one time he'd accidentally wandered towards a circle of little stone huts. He thought he'd finally found someone to help him, but the residents just stared in bewilderment before chasing him down with painful darts and hunting dogs. He'd barely managed to get rid of them, he thought his life was over for sure that day. Now every perilous day was filled with anger, red hot anger at what this world was doing to him. That's why he was caught so off guard when the Treeguard attacked him. He'd been in the forest, and made the terrible mistake of taking his anger out on the trees. Each one that hit the ground felt so good, like knocking over bowling pins. But that's when the footsteps started. He had to squint to see it, the thing had completely blended in with all the other evergreens around it. Anger turned to surprise, surprise turned to fear. He'd never seen something so huge in his life.. and it was coming straight for him! For once he thought he would have to fight something he couldn't handle, something that would kill him. Oh, sure, he fought valiantly. You always do when you're fighting to survive. He even did some damage, but he was no match for the Treeguard. Every swipe cut into his flesh, left splinters on his skin. It was painful, and after a while it became too painful to carry on. All he could smell was pine. He collapsed in front of it, bleeding out into the snow. As the lumbering Treeguard slumped away from his dying body, his eye slowly closed. Deerclops was no more. --- Oh hey, you're still reading this post. Well, I'll take that to assume you liked the story enough to finish it! I like making short stories, so if you thought this was good feel free to throw a concept at me that I can cook up into a fun little tale.
  2. Exhausted Chapter 3: Sisters Reunited The heat was stupid. The woods were stupid. Everything was just so stupid. Abigail groaned and shambled through the woods, orange leaves crunching under her filthy bare feet. She'd been wandering for what felt like forever. What was she even hoping to find at this point? That gobbler had probably been the only one in the whole world, she was never going to find a decent bite to eat again, ever! GOD SHE WAS SO MISERABLE! In frustration, Abigail punched the closest tree, managing to hurt herself more than the tree in the process. She took a look at the back of her fist and sneered. It was absolutely smothered in cuts and bruises from all the other trees she'd punched today, and it probably wasn't going to heal anytime soon. She may as well just tear it off and eat the hand itself! It'd probably be the most filling meal she'll have the rest of the week! Oh if only she had some jackalope stew, or jack-a-loaf, or jackalope kabob, or.. why was she thinking about jackalope so much? After a brief pause, Abigail realized she could smell a pudgy little jackalope somewhere nearby. She had to find it! Mustering up the energy, she began sprinting off in the direction the scent was coming from. Brambles grabbed at her legs and foliage flew in her face, but she persisted her chase. When she could hear the small creature skittering about she lunged in the direction of the noise, outstretching her arms and clamping her small hounds around a small fuzzy shape. She could feel the jackalope struggling in her grasp, desperately trying to escape.. and it only made her salivate. One hand moved down to clamp around its belly, lifting it up while she got ready to snap its neck. The jackalope bit down on her fingers in a last ditch attempt to escape, but the pain didn't even register to Abigail. And just like that, she'd gotten dinner. Her grip on the jackalope relaxed, and she took a seat on the grass to enjoy her meal. - Wendy undid one of the side pouches on her backpack, dropping a wad of gooey Nightmare Fuel into it. After the other night she'd exhausted her entire supply, she had a long day of gathering ahead of her. By this point those crawling weirdos and their lanky, beaked friends hardly felt like a threat at all. Now, if her memory was serving right, staying on the outskirts of this forest would lead her to a cave entrance, which should.. wait, what was that? She'd just heard a jackalope squeal, she was sure of it. But she only heard jackalopes squeal when they'd been caught by traps, none of the monsters were ever able to catch up with the quick little things.. was there someone else here? Wendy fastened the straps and buttons on her backpack, throwing it back on and jogging towards the noise. A few different scenarios ran through her head. She might find another survivor, or maybe a new type of beast that could provide fur or meat, or maybe.. just maybe.. She stopped dead when she came to the clearing, not believing her eyes. Abigail, it was Abigail! Her sister hadn't noticed her yet, and was covered in so much dirt she had barely recognized her at first, but that was definitely Abigail! Wendy's breath caught in her throat as she tried to say something, struggling before being able to blurt it out. "A- Abigail? Abigail.. it's me, Wendy!" Wendy's bewildered smile widened as Abigail stood up, only to quickly drop into a quivering expression of shock as her sister turned around. It was Abigail, but.. Abigail dropped the jackalope she'd been holding, the half-eaten remains of its organs sliding out from the bite sized hole in its chest. Wendy took a step back looking at her sister in horror, seeing the shredded, hanging flesh of one of Abigail's hands where the jackalope had bit and scratched. "Abigail.. what happened to you? I.. it wasn't supposed to happen like this." Abigail growled in response, sunken eyes fixating on Wendy. The filthy and blood-smeared twin didn't recognize the girl in front of her at all, and only one instinct screamed out at her in that moment. She was still hungry.
  3. The Rude Answerer

    What do you really think of the Argentinian Debt Crisis of 2001 - 2002?
  4. Exhausted Chapter 2: Got Food, Badly A lake! She'd found a lake! Abigail leaped into the cool waters, letting them take her as her body became drenched. The dirt and grime seemed to just flow off her as the brutal heat of the sun disappeared for just a moment. Her small hands grabbed onto the lake bed, pulling her head back up to meet the air. She wished this moment could just last forever, that she could stay here on the edge of the forest and not have to worry about her growling hunger, or the constant tiredness that no amount of rest seemed to cure.. if only. She felt so relieved, and this was better than.. what was that term she'd heard adults use once? Better than sticks? Well it didn't make much sense to her, but it certainly sounded right. This was better than sticks! "Gobble gobble!" Abigail snapped out of her daydreams, looking about. "GOBBLE GOBBLE!" She saw it emerge from the edges of the forest, looking around cluelessly. Distant memories of Thanksgiving dinners and endless plates of food drifted through her mind. She found herself salivating, the hunger that'd been gnawing at her suddenly at its strongest. Abigail climbed out of the lake, keeping herself low to the ground and trying to hide herself as best she could in the grass. One foot at a time.. nice and slow.. Before it could notice her, Abigail leaped onto the gobbler's back, locking her arms around its spindly neck. Unfortunately for her, she quickly found out the weight of a tired pre-teen girl was not enough to control a man-sized turkey. The gobbler thrashed wildly, warbling as loud as its lungs would let it.. which, frankly, was quite loud. Abigail felt herself getting dizzy as she was flung this way and that, her feet being dragged through the muddy ground as the gobbler ran about. Panicing, Abigail did the first thing that came to her mind, and dug her teeth into the creature's back. As she bit into it she felt her mouth filling with blood, and bit harder. After a brutal, loud minute the gobbler fell over, the ground around it completely red. The gore dribbled down Abigail's chin as she looked down at what she'd just done, unable to keep herself from shaking. She was horrified by what she'd just done.. until her stomach grumbled. - The sun began to set as Abigail finished the rest of the gobbler, wiping her arm on her sleeve. With her hunger sated the exhaustion she'd felt since she woke up in the middle of the forest finally overtook her, causing her to fall back against the ground and drift out of conciousness. In her dreams Abigail found herself surrounded by brightly colored tents and wagons, looking around and reading the words scribbled on sandwich boards around the area. "See Wolfgang the Strongman lift the entire audience!" "The bewildering Deerclops, freak of nature!" "Candy Apples, Funnel Cake and Lemonade!" The young girl ran down many dirt paths that seemed like they stretched on for miles to her young mind before finding a decrepit wagon, the front door covered in tape. Looking around for a clue to what this wagon used to be for, Abigail found a flyer on the ground that read "Come see the Amazing Maxwell perform tricks to astound and stupify!" She'd found it! This was where her Uncle Maxwell would sleep before his performances! Looking over her shoulder to see if anyone was coming, Abigail ripped the tape away from the front door and pushed her way inside. The inside was a lot bigger than she'd expected, likely because all the knick-knacks and trinkets that would normally be lining the shelves were completely absent. The only thing that remained was a big wooden machine near the very back of the wagon, casting its shadow across the entire floor. Curious, Abigail walked towards it, ignoring the way the inside of the empty wagon seemed to grow darker despite it being the middle of the day. As she got closer she realized she was looking at a big door, a lever on the side of it. Her small fingers wrapped around the knob of the lever, about to yank it downwards before she heard a shout from behind her. Abigail bolted upright, her hairs on end as she frantically looked around to find the source of the noise. It took her a few moments to realize she'd only been dreaming, and that she was still by the side of a lake in god-knows-where. A heavy groan escaped her as she brought a palm up to her throbbing head, suddenly feeling very tired once again. She really hated this place.
  5. I don't think anyone has been expecting otherwise, but I'm going to put TMoaM on an indefinite hold. I have no idea what is it, but I just can not finish that story when I try to. Exhausted Chapter 1: Need Food Badly The Tallbird was still chasing her, and she'd been running for what felt like hours. Their long legs must have made it easier for them, the freakish monster hadn't broken its stride the entire time. How was she supposed to escape something that never needed to stop and could cover great distances in single strides? She couldn't. She wouldn't be able to. Never even got a chance to make a weapon, never got a chance to find food.. she was so hungry. Slowing down, she collapsed onto her knees, feeling the air around her cool as the shadow of the Tallbird loomed over her. 3 Days Later The day began with the warmth of the sun showing behind her closed eyelids, and the discomfort of dirt caked around her fingernails. Rolling onto her side, she let her eyes open slowly, drearily. The last thing she remembered was being chased by some tall creature she hadn't gotten a good look at. Looking around, she realized this wasn't the quarry she had been running through. Pine trees and the smell of dark soil were all around her. How did she wind up in the middle of a forest? Before she could think any more on it, her stomach audibly rumbled. The hunger she felt was painful, when was the last time she'd eaten anything? And her mouth.. if it was any dryer her tongue might just break off. She needed to find something to eat before anything else. Slowly climbing to her feet, the young girl began shambling off in the direction she was facing. It only took several minutes before she came across a bush ripe with red berries, which she eagerly began filling her palms with. Finally, food! It may not be as satisfying as a home cooked meal, but at least it would stave off the hunger she felt! She eagerly shoveled the berries into her waiting mouth.. and nearly vomited. It tasted like iron, if iron could somehow be overcooked and compressed into soft squishy globes. What was wrong with this place?! Catching her breath, the young girl decided to hold her nose and try again, forcing herself to swallow the "food." She wanted to puke, but at least she'd eaten something. She even felt like she'd gotten a bit of her kick back, although that was most likely just mental. It was time to get her bearings together, get some form of shelter going and see if she couldn't find a source of food and drink that was actually palatable. If she didn't, she'd die, it was as simple as that. And if she died, how would she ever get back to.. back to.. It became clear she'd forgotten a lot more than the past three days. It was time to see what she did remember. She remembered a man in a circus, someone she was familiar with. A father, maybe? No, not a father, but definitely family. She remembered him disappearing, and being told she had to help look for him. And she remembered her name.. Abigail.
  6. The latest game I've been playing has a developer that doesn't talk to their community. It really made me miss this place.

  7. I had half a root canal today, so cheer up! Your day wasn't so bad, maybe!

  8. Tallbirds

    Because a Tallbird heart works exactly like a normal heart would. Yeah, I guess you're right, how silly of me to think these fantastical creatures work in fantastical ways. Also, I ain't no kid, buddy.
  9. Tallbirds

    Smallbirds store their hearts in their tiny, fat legs. As they grow older, their legs get thinner and longer, making the concept of love much harder for them to comprehend.
  10. I have brought shame upon my family.
  11. I do too, that's why I'm putting myself in a dangerous situation to put those doubts to rest!
  12. Go east, and try to find something you can attack with the salmon. Need to test drive this new weapon.
  13. "223rd is 23rd on the forums, right?" THEY KNOW WHO I AM! squee.

    1. the truthseeker

      the truthseeker

      Hi, nice to meet you! Can i have a ke..oh wait I have one! Well, get used to that question from those who don't for days :p

    2. 23rd


      You should have seen my Twitch inbox. 10 messages in 10 seconds. Not even trying to make a case either, just a whole lot of "gimme."

    3. the truthseeker

      the truthseeker

      I won't even detail the laughably sad attempts people make in my Steam and PM. Besides saying this of course.

  14. The Making of a Mercenary Chapter 3: The Walk-In Freezer You know, ever since the incident with Chris and Eddie, I'd been deathly afraid of any fire larger than what a lighter could produce. Just being around the stuff would make me seize up and grow cold all over, which is kinda the exact opposite of what you'd expect from a fire. It took a life-or-death situation for me to change my tune, and accept that fire didn't have to be such a bad thing after all. Well, by this point, I've done a little more than just accept it; I've embraced the wonders of fire pretty dang compl- Hey, Engie, what've you got on that hamburger? Do I smell jalapeños? I do?! I love jalapeños! Can I get some of that? Ah, thanks, you're the best. Sh thr I ws, n Pnnslvna. Ths sckrs, mn, thy rlly lv thr chs. Th pt t n vrthng! Mgzns, trtl sop, nd spshly.. ah, man, that hit the spot. Thanks Engie. As I was saying, especially potatoes. It's like they had their cows in overdrive up there. Ah, dang, I seem to have lost my train of thought.. hey, come on, don't look at me like that! Like you've never gotten sidetracked before? Come on, Sam, think. You know this.. oh, right! Fire. God, how could I forget about fire?! Guess that food got the best of me. Anyways, Pennsylvania in the Fall. It was extremely orange, more so than usual. So picture this.. By this point, I'm hopelessly addicted to Australium. I'm always looking for a little extra. Helen'd put me into contact with someone, an incredibly androgynous someone at that, to pick up another load of Australium. A whole ton of the stuff, even! So I get there, I immediately see that this person is a bit of a scumbag. I'd later find out they were trying to lure out Helen and put her down, didn't even have any Australium. Of course, it's not like I knew that. So the first thing this scumbag tries to do is hit on me, get me all flustered and distracted from my job. Now, I may have always been a bit of an airheard, I'll admit that, but I'm a loyal airhead, damn it. I shut them down, told them I was here to collect the Australium and get back. But, unfortunately, scumbag guessed my achilles' heel real easy. Told me that, while they did have an actual ton of Australium, there was a little extra they'd managed to get their hands on. Said they wanted me to sample a bit of it, just so TF Industries could be sure they were getting the real deal. The story was such obvious bull, shoulda seen through it. I was stupid, Engie, I was real stupid. I never shoulda followed that scumbag to the walk-in freezer. As you can probably guess, they let me go in first. As you can probably keep guessing, they slammed the door behind me. Trapped in a walk-in, waiting to slowly freeze to death. I admit, I was pretty terrified. The feeling in my fingers went first, then my ears. I didn't want to die, I really didn't. I looked for anything I could find, desperate to stave off the cold. That's when I found the jugs of gasoline in the corner. For whatever reason, be it scientific or just pure luck, the stuff inside wasn't frozen. I'd also noticed that the shelves with their food were made of wood. Assuming they owned the place, scumbag wasn't a very smart killer. In a few moments I'd cleared the shelves and ripped them from the walls, tossing them into a pile. I had the whole thing set up. A pile of tinder, a good layer of gasoline, and a pile of meat in the corner to cook and eat, but I had to pause. Did I really want to start this fire? I probably could have waited there forever, but it was around that time the cold sapped all the feeling from my arms. I was going to die either way, I had to take the risk. Since I'm here telling you this story, I don't think I'm spoiling anything by saying I survived. The fire burned for a damn long time, enough that I managed to go through half of the food stored in the place. I'm trying to think of an exact measure here, it was definitely more than a day. It was around then that the flames changed color for the first time. The red and blue became pink and green, wafting into the air as the faint sound of some bubblegum pop song started to play in the back of my head. My sullen frown rose into a delusional smile as I let myself drift off to sleep, ready to accept my inevitable death.. and then I heard gunshots. They were hushed, and there were only two of them, but I'd recognize the sound of a Derringer anywhere. Before I had the chance to close my eyes the door to the freezer swung open, and there she was. No, not Helen. Ms. Pauling. Hell of a first meeting, yeah? I could have sworn she was an angel, but when she spoke up I was yanked back into reality and all those pretty hallucinations went as quickly as they came. "I've set acidic explosives all over this factory. We need to leave, right now." Well, she didn't need to tell me twice. As we made our way out she told me about what was going on. About how the dead scumbag was an assassin hired to kill Helen (or The Administrator, as she called her), about how Helen knew about my little Australium habit, and about how Helen said one of the Mann brothers wanted her dead and was willing to kill those near and dear to get to her. The look of shock on her face after she said that was clear as day, and Ms. Pauling begged me to not tell Helen she'd said that. At first I thought she was just talking about me being near and dear to Helen, which was a very nice surprise.. but the more I think about it.. Like I said, we've both met Redmond. He's.. well, kind of an idiot. The guy makes Scout look like Einstein. I don't think he realizes what a threat Helen could actually be to him, not enough to organize an assassination attempt against her. And he's told me all about his "conniving" brother, Blutarch. But we've been fighting his mercenaries for several years now, and it's pretty obvious there's been no real progress. Do you think Blutarch is honestly any smarter than his brother?
  15. Coraline

    No blue hair?
  16. The Making of a Mercenary Chapter 2: Boston This Australium, powerful stuff. Didn't know what it was back then, guess I still don't understand it now. Looked like plain ol' gold bars to me, but it's nothing like gold.. it's much more valuable. People liquify the stuff, use it for a variety of purposes. If you ingest it, the secrets of the world just lay themselves bare for you. Everything is broken down into simple equations, and the laws of physics and time become as malleable as you want them to be. You've met Redmond Mann, most of us have with the exception of Demo and Sniper. We've all seen that massive machine he's hooked up to, whirring and stuttering like the senile old man attached to it. That thing has been keeping him alive since the early 1800s, the old prick has lived for over a century 'cuz of that machine.. I bet you see where I'm going with this. That machine is powered by Australium. It's the stuff of legends, and it's more dangerous than you could imagine. I still remember the first time I came across the stuff. Helen sent me out to Boston, said she had suspicions that someone had found something there. The place was a disaster, even worse than my old hometown back in Texas. Couldn't walk one block without seeing a fight, and not some kid fight either. Hadn't been in the city for more than an hour when I accidentally stepped on someone's tooth, knocked clean out of their mouth in a brawl some ten yards away from me. Fights in Boston were never between two people, either, it was always huge crowds of kids absolutely tearing into each other. Someone who wasn't as desensitized to violence as me might have turn around and run, tried to find some desk job and live their life in blissful ignorance with the cushy suburban beatniks. I guess it's a good thing I've always been a bit of a sadist, huh? It took three days of searching through scummy back alleys and interrogating smart-mouthed kids who thought they could intimidate me because of my size, but eventually I found a lead. Big fat fella named Ethan, people spoke about him like he was the dreaded. The middle child in a family of nine, not including their mother. Now let me tell ya something. Every once in a while, a woman starts to feel a little.. less fresh. She's gonna need something to help her get clean again, right? Well, that thing is a ******. And Ethan was a massive ******. No, really, I mean colossal. You ever see Scout wearing one of those baseball caps the wrong way, makes him look like some obnoxious little brat? Well, Ethan was wearin' three of them when I first saw him, one on top of the other. It was.. a sight to behold. Hard to forget a scene like that. "Yo, shortstop, you outrun me this time and I'll tell mom you were the one what stole from her purse!" He must have mistaken me for someone else from the distance, the way he came thundering over. When he saw who I was he quickly apologized.. then threatened to break my knees in thirds if I didn't give him a good reason not to. Real charmer, that one. Well I told him who I was, who sent me, and that I knew he and his brothers were holding onto a couple pounds of Australium. The big lunkhead didn't much care for my business, I didn't expect him to. But hell, that's what the six-shooter was for. One good shot in the foot and the dreaded middle-child of Boston's toughest family wasn't tough no more, let me tell you. I've never seen that much snot runnin' out of a kid's nose. Started talkin' real quick about the oldest, the "boss", Johnny. How he'd broken in to some construction site and found a buncha gold bars at the bottom of a ditch. Of course, none of them knew what the stuff really was. Johnny, unlike his little brother, was a lot more willing to hear me out. Seemed he was the only one in the family with a bit of business sense. All I had to do was help him put "the fear of God" as he called it into a couple of locals who'd been given him trouble and he forked over the stuff easily enough. Ten bars of Australium.. and one small nugget. Now, if it weren't for that one little nugget that wouldn't have been accounted for, I wouldn't have ever gotten a taste for Australium. I would have finished my job for Helen and worked the rest of my life under her in some cozy office job, living in some underground bunker. But things didn't work out that way. I know you've handled Australium before, you know how easy the stuff melts if you're really trying. Just fill it into one needle, inject it wherever you please, and let nirvana happen. That first taste.. that first taste made it seem like nothing else in the world mattered. Time seemed to slow down, I could feel an incredible red heat building up in the back of my skull. Everything was just matter to me, it all seemed so simple. In that one short high, I'd managed to create a working toaster out of a stack of paper, some copper wire and an old Zippo lighter. I still have that toaster, actually. It makes the absolute best toast. The toaster, grand as it is, isn't what I'm getting at. You're a smart man, you've got the credentials to prove it too, so I'm sure you know where I'm going with all of this. I was a.. well, the best way to put it is a "practical person", I suppose. But I wasn't always the madman you see before you. You see, Engie, the reason I've become such a pyromaniac.. it all started with that first nugget of Australium.
  17. It feels good to post regularly again. I missed you guys.

    1. Rosten


      And we missed you two. *whoosh* ...Missed again

    2. the truthseeker

      the truthseeker

      My brain missed you both I blame Air control. :)

  18. Heyo. I just wanted to take the time to write out a message telling you how great it is to see your active involvement in the DST section of the forums. Like, seriously, whenever someone posts something constructive like a suggestion or a bug or a concern you are on TOP of that like it's a trampoline and you're the evil wizard from that terrible movie Jack Donaghy never got to make based off that YouTube video! Yeah! Similes! But no seriously, you the man, man. Keep bein' great. Tell the rest of the devs they're great too, 'cuz I know you're all workin' hard to make sure things are even smoother come Monday.

    1. SethR


      Thank you so much! I really, really appreciate that. It's a great community that I'm glad to interact with. Also, I may or may not actually be an evil wizard. At the least, I'm a spooky ghost... Nah, but seriously: thank you and I will certainly pass the sentiment along.

  19. What Was Your First Death?

    Well you can get experience by going through the Teleportato, which can be done before the first Winter if you're diligent.. but that's very unlikely if you're new to the game. I suppose you're right, my example can't be the first time I died. It's the first one I remember, though.
  20. What Was Your First Death?

    I used to delete a lot of saves before I had the chance to die, because I realized I'd screwed myself over when it comes to item management. The first legitimate death was with Willow. I'd managed to get through my first Winter, and it was TOUGH because I didn't think to prepare beforehand. Lotta hunting, lotta near-freezing; it was actually one of the most satisfying games I've had now that I think about it. Anyways, I was on the last day of Winter, I'd done the math and the ground under the snow was starting to become visible again, when I wandered into a swarm of Pengulls and just started pushing them around. It was fun seeing them go all bumper-cars. It took maybe half a minute for them to get fed up with it and attack me, and about half a second for me to die.
  21. Hey look, I posted that last chapter at 4:20!
  22. I gotta say fellas, I'm glad to see you're all okay. There's this virus spreading around, it's real rough stuff. It makes the infected go onto Klei forums and post fanfiction about Valve games, like some sorta idiot or somethin'. Just be sure to keep your eyes out for CARRIERS! OH GOD! KEEP IT AWAY FROM ME! NO! N- The Making of a Mercenary Chapter 1: Helen Sometimes I remember how things used to be, back before these Gravel Wars started. I feel kinda silly even callin' them wars, to be honest. I've always known that they'd just be useless stalemates where she would sit and watch us maniacs tear each other apart, never gaining any sort of real advantage. Honestly, she isn't as bad as most people make her out to be. She seems shady and distant, but I trust her. So, you've always asked me about how I joined the mercenaries. I first met Helen in 1967, one year before I met you and the rest of the team. I was at a.. dark point in my life. Recent financial downfalls had forced me to turn to crime for basic living, and it was a lifestyle I couldn't hope to sustain. I was holed up in a run-down apartment, trying to live my life from one microwave meal to the next; it's something I wouldn't wish on my BLU counterpart. I had two friends back then, rough guys. Chris and Eddie.. they died that day, wasn't any respawn back then. It was supposed to be a simple job, beyond simple. We were going to run into a pizza joint and force the owner to open the safe. Of course, we never expected the owner to be an off-his-meds conspiracy theorist. A short guy with messy hair and a closet full of filthy t-shirts, always covered the Eye of Providence with his thumb when he took cash.. honestly, we should have known sooner. When he saw us park I guess he sensed something malicious, and the ******* went and threw gasoline all around the store. We were already in the door when he dropped the match, screaming about an immortal Abe Lincoln come to rob him of his lifeforce. It would have been kind of funny if it wasn't so tragic. You ever see someone burn to death? Well, of course you have, you see that happen damn near everyday you're on the clock, but we both know BLU ain't really dyin'. Not permanently. It's a lot more traumatic when you know they're not coming back again. It was an act of God that got me out of that burning building that night, and I'm sure the Devil had a hand in me managing to evade the police responders. It's funny how smoke smells different depending on what's burning. Common things will overpower you, making you cough and wheeze, hickory smells a bit like cooking meat, and marijuana has a sweet smell that lounges in the air. But there is one smell that I can't forget, it was waiting for me in the halls of my crummy apartment complex in the wee hours of that terrible night. Nicotine. It was her. Not Pauling, not some impotent lackey without a clue of what they were actually involved in, her. I still remember seeing her in that dark purple coat in the middle of the hallway, waiting for me. It seems like a silly thing to be afraid of now considering who it turned out she was, but I was absolutely petrified at the idea that she was one of the local detectives. Then she spoke. It's truly amazing how she always knows the first thing to say in order to get the ball rolling, and it only took seven words to make me abandon everything and come work for her. "I can make it all work again." Well that was all it took for me to pack up my things and get the hell out of that place. She told me everything I needed to know on the way to New Mexico. A beat cop had seen me escape the pizzeria, figured I was the one who started the fire and escaped just as it did its dirty work. I was one of Texas' most-wanted. Triple-Homicide, Arson, apparently I'd even committed jaywalking during my escape. Did you know jaywalking is a death sentence in Texas? Then again, so is littering. I couldn't go back to Texas, but it didn't matter, because she had a job for me. The pay made robbing even a bank look like nothin' more than peanuts. All I had to do was work for her for a single year, touring America to find this fancy metal. I wish I'd known then how dangerous Australium could be.
  23. Posts shouldn't show they've been edited if you edit it within the first two minutes. Far too often have I put an apostrophe in the wrong pla'ce.

    1. Show previous comments  2 more
    2. the truthseeker

      the truthseeker

      We'll get on that right away. Everybody should have the same horrible formatting! :p

    3. 23rd


      and that's how Communism works!

    4. the truthseeker

      the truthseeker

      Please, Klei's Canadian, it's Bureaucratic socialism!

      (But free health care when you get a concussion bashing your head against the computer screen!)