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Tales of the Beardlord

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After having posted it on discord, I was asked if I could post it in the forums. It's about @cezarica, beardlord of his server. Keep in mind that this is entirely based on fiction.

Yes, I wrote this completely myself.





"Say pal, you don't look so good.

You'd better find something to eat before night comes!"

He woke up with a grumbling stomach. Sleeping in the tent made him hungrier than simply waiting the night out, but he had prepared some bacon and eggs beforehand. 

"Goooood moooooorniiiiing!" Came out of his pocket.

"Mornin'" He responded.

After he ate his breakfast, he looked around his hand-made home. He was quite proud of it. It had a kitchen with multiple filled iceboxes and 4 crockpots. A storage area full of odds and ends. A research facility both in science and magic. 

He had lived through at least 4 winters, and he was practically unkillable. Not even a   Dragonfly could stop him. Yet he wasn't satisfied.

He felt like there had to be more. More than just this everchanging world. There were these "Things", but he already had experienced their powers.

The only thing left was that door. He had gone through that door multiple times, but he never lasted long enough to escape. That door... could it be the way out? It had to be, right? Even it it wasn't, there would be no way that it could be worse than what he had endoured here.

"That settles it!" He said to himself.

"Settles what?"

"Tomorrow I'm going through that door!"

And so he did.




Chapter 1: A Cold Reception



"Oh, you found my portal did you?

You'd think you would have learned your leasson by now.

Hmm, let's try something a little more challenging, shall we?"


The sudden cold tickled his chesthair. He had experienced it before, yet it always came as a shock.

As he stood up, he saw the fire that would always be there. He headed towards it. 

Winter would be short, that he knew. Resources would be scarce, but not impossible to get. He'd live through this one, he was sure of it.

As soon as the fire died, he grabbed the box-on-a-stick and set off.

The first day was easy. As expected, resources were rare, but enough to last for at least a while. At night, he overthought his strategy. Although the winter only lasts 3 days, it's worse than the winters back home.

Home. By the logs, he wanted to go home.

"No! No time to think about home!" He said out loud. "Focus, Cez, focus..."

"Hey, that's my line!" Came out of his pocket. "Focus on what, though?"

"Never mind." He sighed. "You wouldn't know anyway."

"Oh... okay."


The next day went smoothly too. He found one of the "Things", some gold for a science machine, a beefalo herd. He was getting hungry though. There was the occasional carrot and berries, but not enough for a full grown man.

When night fell, and the fire was crackling, he overthought his chances of survival. With the current food situation he could last at least another 2 days. That wasn't enough. He needed some meat. Fresh meat.

Dawn came sooner than he had anticipated.

With his newly acquired knowledge he had made some stuff that would aid his survival. Funny how it takes a strange flimsy-looking structure to rememeber how to craft a spear.

Soon after he left the fire, he found a pig settlement. And it wasn't the nice kind of pigs. This wasn't necessarily bad though. These pigs meant a bridge to the next island. Everything else needed to progress was on that second island. Things were looking up, but he had to get past the pigs first.

Few moments later, he was on the other side of the bridge, and the bridge was on fire. The screams of the pigs could be heard from miles away. But he didn't care. He got past. And he had some free meat to boot. Good times.

Now came the hard part.

The second island is always way bigger than the first. Finding the "Things" would be tricky, but the temperature was rising. Winter would end soon.

Not soon after crossing the bridge, he found a forest. He was a lumberjack by nature, so the trees looked almost appetizing to him. Almost.


The high-pitched voice shook him out of his trance.

"You've been staring at those trees for at least an hour now! Are we gonna chop 'em or what?"

He shook his head. It was indeed getting dark. Had he wasted so much time staring at the trees?

"No." He said promptly.


That night, as he was munching on his meat, he watched the snow around him melt. He had made a grassmat before, so he could sleep this night away. And so he did.

He woke up with an itchy feeling on his nose. He opened his eyes. A butterfly sat on his nose. It would have been a beautiful sight, were it not in this godforsaken world.

He sat up, and of course, the butterfly flew away. It dissapeared into the greens.

He picked up the box-on-a-stick. It was buzzing. Goody.

The buzzing lead towards the north. What he thought was north anyway.

After a short while, he saw what the buzzing was leading to. The crank...thing.

"That's 2. 3 to go!"

It didn't take long for the box to start buzzing again. This time it lead to the potato-shaped... thing.

Things were going well. Too well...

He had searched this world for 9 days now. Tomorrow, it would be a Full Moon... He knew how to deal with the curse, so that wouldn't be too much of a problem. He needed to find the base "Thing" before it happened though. He would be at a much higher advantage against those clockwork things that what he would be on any other day. 



As quickly as he could he followed the box's guidance. There it was. It's distinct ground colour. Those weird marble trees. The mechanical noises of its 'sleeping' guardians. The wooden thing.

He could not have timed it better. As soon as he saw it, it became night.

He turned.

With ferocious gnaws, thick, nearly impenetrable skin and a crazy upbeat tune playing in his head, he absolutely destroyed the guardians. If anyone was watching, they wouldn't know what had happened. Where there were clockwork soldiers minutes before, now there were just gears.

When dawn arrived, the gathered "Things" were already in its proper place, and he was already being guided towards the final thing.

Dusk hadn't even started and he had already had the ring in his pockets. The next morning, he was gone.


Chapter 2: The Game's Afoot


Coming Soon


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When you gave us the first story on discord we where so hyped about the next chapter and when we finally got it a few hours later jaws dropped. Like i told you on discord you have a nice writing skill and should do something about it. Encouraged him share his story on the forums cos wanted to brag with his awesome writting skills.

I tip my hat to you @WishIHadAFridge Kudos to you! :)

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