caves and clockworks


AdamTheGamer
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Claudius thinks for a moment.

"Back when I was in the front lines, before I had my blade, I was sent on a mission. With a few members of a group, of course, but they fell halfway through. A princess had been captured by one of Shatter's acolytes. Of course, we didn't know of the existence of Shatter then, but we would learn sooner or later. Anyway, after a long journey, the acolyte was defeated. And this princess was a... strange one. She fell in love with me. I tried to decline. 'No, ma'am, no. I'm much to busy.' Well, that lady stormed back to her kingdom and alerted her father. I was imprisoned for three days. She was so arrogant. And mean. And stupid. She understood nothing, heard nothing, ignored everything everyone said. Sure I escaped. But had that princess been more like you, willing to battle, then I would have accepted her."

He shakes his head.

"Ignore my ramblings, I'm just passing the time. Please, you tell a story."

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*Angel sighs*

"Well, since I was shunned for being the only girl to be a knight, I decided to flee. I found this place called Pandora. It was for all outcasts and outlaws, so I decided to go there. Of course, there was a tyrant there named Handsome Jack, probably the ugliest guy I've ever seen. Well, he didn't like me since I went to this place called Sanctuary in Pandora. I became the most dreaded person alive, a Vault Hunter. I was damned from the start. So, after millions of fights, and tragedies, I had to save a friend from his wrath. But he raised the Warrior, a giant, hard to kill dragon. I defeated it, and killed Jack, freeing my friend. Not a real interesting story, I know..."

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(I smell borderlands. Your post reeks of Borderlands 2.)

"What do you mean it's not interesting? That was a great story! Now, why is it that ugly people always are titled "handsome"? Who came up with that title, and what was that man drinking. Because let me tell you, I would like to have a sip of that."

He laughs.

"Oh! So, I had a friend who spoke in this really weird accent, and we would always joke about it. So, we went out for some drinks, and this was when I was much, much younger. Apparently, I learned how to speak his accent when I got drunk. I can't repeat it for my life sober, but that's the only way I can talk under alcohol."

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(I CLEVER RIGHTLOLZ)

Claudius laughs.

"What's confusing about it? When I'm drunk, I talk with a weird accent. That's the point. He talked kind of like this."
He then proceeds to speak with a horribly butchered Australian accent.

"Good ay, mate. I loike kangorooes. We gonna go foight."

He then laughs at how pathetic his accent is.

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"Oh no! It's worse than I thought! They have a whole new race now!"

He laughs as he walks.

"You know, it's weird how my armor didn't get rusty through how ever many years it's been. Normally they need to be shined. You know, I clean my armor while it's still on. I don't take this stuff off. Even when I'm sleeping. Do you know how hard it is to sleep with pounds of armor on?"

 

(Okay, @AdamTheGamer, this is the part where the giant spider king jumps on the character's heads. So get here already.)

Edited by Blewcheese
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