Don't Starve comic script

[ThatoneDSfan]

Comic script:

 

Prologue: The Final Act

Subs: (Showing a poster of an advertisement for “The Amazing Maxwell!” and one of his shows)

 Once,A long time ago. There was a man known as Maxwell who traveled across the world with his assistant and wife, Charlie. Maxwell had performed his amazing magic tricks with the shadows without ever realizing what he was doing. However though, during one of their shows… everything was going as usual; Maxwell constantly leaving the crowd bewildered and thrilled trick after trick.

 

Maxwell: (Showing Maxwell raising a shadow hand with the gesture of his hand) Okay! I’ve had my fun there, but now it is time we perform the final act of tonight’s show!

 

Charlie: (Charlie walks over to Maxwell and asks him the following quietly) *Shall I pull out the book we planned on using?*

 

Maxwell: (Replies quietly) *Please, thank you Charles.*

 

Maxwell: (Goes back into performing voice) And now, for the final act! For our final performance of the night, I am going to pull shadows incarnate from this mysterious tome!

 

(Charlie holds the book facing towards Maxwell while he puts his hand in the book)

 

Maxwell: (hears whispers of “them” saying: no more no more. Sides of box are darkened.)

 

Maxwell: (He begins to pull something out of the tome. In the next box he is grabbed by a shadow hand)

 

Maxwell: (Is pulled onto his hands and knees by the hand as it grabs it head and tries to drag him in)

 

Charlie: (Has been and still is frozen with fear)

 

Maxwell: (The shadow hand lets go and hides in the book.)

 

Charlie: (Runs to his aid)

 

Maxwell: (Looks up at her but the book suddenly opens by itself and pages turn but suddenly stop)

 

(The shadow hands fly out of the book and snatch Charlie and Maxwell and flies around rapidly in random directions before the ceiling collapses.)

(Show Magazine saying: HUNDREDS DEAD AT MAXWELL’S SHOW! CHARLIE AND MAXWELL NOWHERE TO BE FOUND!)

 

Chapter 1: The beginning of the end

 

Subs: (Show Wilson’s house.) It has been 95 years since then, it happened in 1906 and it is now the year of 2001, 95 memorials held once a year for all those who had died that night… including Maxwell and his beloved Charlie...

 

Wilson: (Show wilson pouring the hydrogen from the small test tube to the larger container) Just a little bit more of hydrogen with the oxygen…

 

(Next box is completely covered with smoke from the explosion with large text saying: POOF!)

 

Wilson: (Wilson face palming) Crap! I forgot to lower the gosh darn temperatures of the two!

 

Wilson: (flops on chair in frustration)

 

Maxwell: Hey pal, looks like you’re having some trouble! I have secret knowledge I can share with you. Think you are ready for it?

 

Wilson: (Is listening to his radio and gets excited, he nods his head eagerly)

 

Maxwell: Okay then!

 

(Craftable items float around him as Wilson learns the secrets,)

 

Wilson: I’ve got an idea! ( Remember as he lists each item, show it in the box) Two lab rats, multiple nails, a hammer, paint, lightbulbs, blacksmith mask, and a drop of blood.

 

Maxwell: (Wilson is facing towards Maxwell’s door) Excellent! Now throw the switch. (Wilson hesitates for a second) DO IT!

 

Wilson: (Mocks Maxwell’s words but pulls the lever anyway)

 

Maxwell: HA HA HA HA HA HA! YOU STUPID FOOL!

 

(Shadow hands appear and grab Wilson, dragging him down)

 

Wilson: (awakes in a grass field by a birch tree forest.) Argh… my head….

 

Maxwell: (Maxwell appears) Say pal, you don’t look so good. You better find some food before night comes!

 

Wilson: (Reaches out confused and unaware the speaking box was him) Wait! What happened?! Where is my home!? Wait! Are you The amazing Maxwell from the shows? What happened?! Wait no hold on! Please don’t…..leave…….. I’m so….confused..

 

Wilson: (Gets up) I might as well do what he said, he is the amazing Maxwell after all, I think…

 

(Plucks grass, picks up flint and rocks, gathers twigs/sticks, makes axe, chops down trees, hunts rabbits.)

 

(Wilson pulls out the last live rabbit)

 

Wilson: Aww, no I can’t... come here bud (Wilson pats on his lap and the rabbit jumps in his lap). Ummm.. aha! (pulls out a carrot from pocket) Here you go. (rabbit eats the carrot in his lap while Wilson strokes it) I’m going to name you… Zen. I might as well have someone to live with. Who knows what will happen to m-(Zen is looking up as if he was clearing his throat and expecting something) Sorry… us is what I meant to say.

 

Wilson: (Wilson looks up into the sky) Well, let me get the fire going. (Makes campfire) Zen, how and why is your fur black and white? It’s so… odd…. Anyway… I’m going to cook some food. Here, I will make a quick little bed for you. (Fluffs and shapes cut grass into a bed-like structure and Zen hops in and get comfy. Wilson smiles at this.)

 

(Something dashes by and makes Wilson feel uneasy, especially the fact that he knew it wasn’t in his head; Zen had perked his ears at it as well.)

 

Wilson: Hold on, aha! Flowers, flowers, flowers…. (Makes a flower crown) Here buddy… (Makes a smaller version of a flower crown for Zen)

 

(Zen gets up and leans back in a threatening pose of some sorts)

 

Wilson: Zen come back, we don’t know what that is-

 

(Wilson is cut off by growling, snarling, snapping, and barking. Zen makes a awful and terrifying sound: (Make onomotapea saying, Huuuuuuuuuuaahhhh; as a weird growling/hiss noise)

 

(Zen turns into a monstrous beast, turning all out black, his eyes turned to a solid blue but then to solid red, his tail stretched out into a furry tentacle shape without spots nor spikes with a raindrop-shaped tuft of fur at the end, he grew massively larger; just barely smaller than a hound, his nails grew into long and sharp claws, and his teeth turned sharp and monstrous.)

 

Wilson:Z-ZEN?!

 

Zen: (Lets out a piercing shrill, exposing his teeth and still facing the direction of the creature)

 

(Hounds lunge out from the dark at Wilson, Wilson covers his face and flinches in fear but Zen grabs one and throws them away. One slams into Zen and hits his chest hard. Zen lets out a wheeze/gasp)

 

Zen: Oh you just don’t know when it’s best flee huh? (Zen kicks his opponent and grabs him by the neck. Zen tosses the hound at the others, and they all go whimpering away.)

 

Zen: (Snorts and turns back to Wilson, his eyes going back to solid blue)

 

Wilson: (Flinches and pulls away) Since when c-could you-u do that?! And why can you talk!? (Wilson's thoughts: That isn’t possible! This offends me as a scientist! There has to be logical reasoning for this...

 

Zen: The world brings many questions and many will never be answered. (Zen almost seemed as if he could tell what Wilson was thinking) This realm has completely different physics, logic, and behaviors of thing that come with it. Luckily for you I can easily answer those questions and not waste precious time. I was born as a plain and solid white rabbit. The reason you do not see many different colored rabbits other than white and brown is because any other color is considered a bad omen and will cause the warren misery or even for the warren to completely die out. Therefore different rabbits are sent away at the age of 3 to die or never return. While I was searching for food and a good place to dig a den, I came across something that looked like a miner camp. But what drew my attention was an odd wooden triangle. Shadows loomed over and around it, weaving themselves with the triangle. I came forward and touched it. My paw was stuck and the weaving shadows bolted into me, giving me my black spots and my abilities that are unnatural for a rabbit. Mainly from what I noticed, whenever I feel threatened or feel as if one other is being threatened this happens.

 

Wilson: I am going to have to try to remember that for some possible future studies…

 

(Wilson stops for a second and rethinks about what Zen had spoken about and gains a smug look on his face)

 

Wilson: Wait...what did you mean when you said one other?

 

Zen: (Looks away and down some) I meant it as when you care about someone….

 

Wilson: Sorry I couldn’t hear you… say again without the mumbling please.

 

Zen: I said I meant it as when you care about someone.………

 

Wilson: I beg your pardon?

 

Zen: I SAID I MEANT AS WHEN YOU CARE ABOUT SOMEONE!!! (Zen’s face is rose red in embarrassment)

 

(Wilson laughs his head off while Zen sits there all pouty and grumpy. Soon goes back to his normal form as a rabbit/jackalope still sitting with a pouty face)

 

Wilson: Aww don’t be like that! I’m just teasing you ya know-

 

Zen: I’m fully aware but just because your teasing doesn’t mean I appreciate it. Come on, it is bright enough to wander without a light source without…(Wilson gave a confused face, seeming as if he was about to ask why they couldn’t wander at night without any source of light.) okay basically it is safe to continue.

 

Wilson: Without what though?

 

Zen: You don’t want to know...

 

Wilson: Well I’m asking so clearly I do want to kn-

 

Zen: I said you don’t want to know!

 

Wilson: Zen it is very discourteous of you to keep secrets from me and being impolite is not being a gentleman which will help you very much if you so happen to decide to settle down later on in your life. As well as I refuse to feed and care for an ill-mannered lagomorph!

 

Zen: What made you get so deep with that? And fine, I will tell you, it is Charlie. As I understand you are likely a scientist because of all the strong smells of chemicals in your clothes, I shall not tell you anymore than her name for both your and my safety. Do you understand?

 

Wilson: Yes, sorry Zen. I guess I did get carried away and got a little rude myself…

 

Zen: (constantly grooms himself)

 

Wilson: Why are you grooming yourself so much?

 

Zen: No reason at all.

 

Wilson: (Picks him up and in an instant his neutral face went to panicked) ZEN WHAT DID YOU DO!?!

 

Zen: Do what?!

 

Wilson: WHAT FREAKING HAPPENED TO YOUR LEG!!?

 

Zen: Oh, the price of magic of course. Each time I become that creature, when I return to my normal form I receive a wound as a cost of using magic.

 

Wilson: HOW CAN YOU BE SO CALM!? We need to get you something to heal Zen! Do you not realize how easily that will get infected?! If only we still at my house I could’ve managed to try and figure it out… what are we going to do Zen?

 

Zen: Let’s ignore it for now okay? If we are to teach that snot-nosed Maxwell anything we ought to get some food.

 

Wilson: The Amazing Maxwell? He isn’t ill-mannered! What are you talking about Zen?

 

Zen: HAHAHAHA!!! Heh heh...ohhh... you’re kidding me right? You’ve got to be.

 

Wilson: No I’m not kidding actually…

 

Zen: You’re not…? *sigh* (imitates maxwell’s voice) Say pal, Looks like your having some trouble! (Reverts back to his casual voice) Ring a bell?

 

Wilson: That was Maxwell?!

 

Zen: Yup… that was him all right…

 

Wilson: Wait… how do you even know that happened?

 

Zen: (gives a what do you think look but then remembered he was new to this type of Maxwell) You don’t think a stuck up and self absorbed jerk isn’t going to go ranting and bragging about everything he does?

 

Wilson: Oh… right… though...how can he transport let alone go back and forth between dimensions? There are so many possible chemicals thats could be released and possibly kill someone-

 

Zen: Wilson I don't know diddly squat about what you are speaking of and I might get even more riled up from internal and severe confusion. Keep that trusty knowledge of yours inside your head for now. We will probably need it it later on. You never know.

 

Wilson: (gets a small look of disappointment… clearly missing his lab and shuts up)

 

*the two had began searching for food and tools*

 

Wilson: (His eyes start to form tiny tears, the following is thoughts… NOT speech) I am never getting out of here… I’m going to be stuck here for the rest of my life… I am going to die here and never see my family and friends again… (Wilson tries to fight back the tears some though it was clear he was losing to his own saddening realization)

 

Zen: (looks up at Wilson) Hey you doing alright? You are a lot more quiet than usual- (Zen sees him tearing up) Wilson what’s wrong?

 

(No reply as Wilson looks away and hides his face)

 

Zen: Wilson sit down (Wilson does as told, hugging his knees and burning his face in his arms) … come on buddy… we are going to survive…

 

Wilson: (Sniffles and looks at Zen)

 

Zen: I promise… come on. (Looks around and sees no danger and plenty of berry bushes) Cry it out, I will not be astraying far I promise…

 

Wilson: (He finally allowed himself to cry, he smiled a bit and stroked Zen a few times)

 

Zen: (Is collecting berries by shaking the “branches” and rolling the berries onto a leaf to drag over to his mourning partner)

 

Zen: Its going to be okay….

 

Chapter 2: Friend or Foe?

 

Wilson: Zen?

 

Zen: Yeah?

 

Wilson: I'm sorry about yesterday, I wasn't really myself there…

 

Zen: It's okay, if there should be anyone apologizing it should be me. I got really snotty and rude. I don’t even know why I did but I just felt that.

 

Wilson: That's okay too, I just wanted to check to see if we were still good.

 

Zen: (Gives a reassuring look) Wilson, if I wasn't I would have walked off and continued my day by now.

 

Wilson: That's good to know.

 

(Awkward silence)

 

Wilson: Hey Zen? My garland had gone to rot a while ago and I'm not feeling so good.

 

Zen: Are you able to see straight?

 

Wilson: Yeah sorta…

 

Zen: Which direction am I rotating my ears? ( Zen turns his ears outward)

 

Wilson: Zen I honestly can't tell. I can see you and your ears but I can't make it out so well.

 

Zen: Oh no… hurry come on we don't have much time.

 

Wilson: What do you mean?

 

Zen: Just come on follow me quickly!

 

Wilson: Zen why are you going back to that…. that beast again?

 

Zen: Run faster it is only getting worse!

 

Wilson: What is getting worse! This is all so crazy it feels like I'm going…. (Moment of realisation...) insane!

 

Zen: Precisely correct now hurry up and run faster!

 

(Wilson sprinted after the speeding Zen)

 

(Zen halted at a patch of flowers.)

 

Zen: Quickly now! Pick twelve flowers!

 

(Zen showed Wilson how to tightly weave the flowers together because the last time it was loose and rotted quickly)

 

Wilson: Okay yeah much better, I can see better than what it was before.

 

Zen: And I believe… yup we have enough supplies to last in the desert for a few days.

 

Wilson: So we're finally good to go… well then let's get going shall we?

 

Zen: Indeed sir.

 

Wilson: See there you go! THAT’S the attitude-

 

Zen: Yeah I know I know Wilson… that is why I did that, so don't make me change my mind.

 

Wilson: (Smiles a little bit at Zen) Okay.

 

Zen: Though I'll admit that was a little fun to do… I know that sounds stupid but it did.

 

Wilson: I know, it is.

 

Zen: (imitating a fancy man’s voice and a stupid way) Yes yes, you look rather dapper today.

 

Wilson: (Does the same) You are looking fancy yourself this fine evening as well.

 

Zen: (bursts out laughing)

 

Wilson: (laughs when he hears his and Zen’s impressions of some random fancy people replay in his head)

 

Zen: (Zen’s ears perk up and rotate to the left of him before he was switching to all different directions) Shhh….

 

Wilson: (says in between laughs) What? Why?

 

Zen: Just shut- Just quiet down please….

 

Wilson: (He turned his head to where Zen has staring. Wilson saw some of his white hairs begin to go black. Wilson quietly and slowly takes some of the flint he had in his pocket and sloppily weaved some grass strands into rope, he grabbed a thick and long stick and tied the flint to the stick with the rope he weaved to make a spear.)

 

Zen: Don’t move…

 

(A red elephant shaped balloon floated from a patch of thick forest undergrowth.)

 

Zen: *I wish we went into the desert already… it would have been easier to see what the heck that is…*

 

(The balloon popped and in an instant Wilson felt his arms being grabbed and locked together by a hand behind his back. He had been knocked over and Zen was no longer beside him.)

 

Wilson: (hears roaring, snarls, and snaps.)

 

Wilson: (Thoughts: Zen!)

 

Zen: (His roars went muffled)

 

Wilson: (Struggles to get up but someone was on him, holding him down and grabbing his arms so he couldn't defend himself or Zen)

 

???: Seize that beast already then get your butts over here and tie up this dude as well!

 

Wilson: (He felt his arms being tied up as four more hands pinned him. He heard a swish of liquid in a container. When it stopped one of his attackers placed the bottle down, causing Wilson to panic as soon as he saw what the bottle was labeled with.)

 

???: Hand me the handkerchief already.

 

Wilson: (His mouth was covered by a damp cloth being shoved onto his face and over his nose. He squirmed and tried to scream for help but his calls were muffled by the handkerchief. His vision slowly blurred more and more, before he fell unconscious)

 

_________________________

 

???: He ought to serve as some good toothpicks for that beast.

 

Wilson: (He awoke in a cage-like structure made out of very thick logs. He saw Zen chained up and his chain pinned to the center of the floor.) Augh…. Zen?

 

Zen: (His eyes turned to solid blue as he peered over and saw Wilson was okay)

 

???: (bangs on the logs, come on now eat him! He don't need these savage people spying on us so Maxwell can kill us too!

 

Zen: (He snarled and his eyes went red once more as his hackles raised and his teeth bared at the stranger.)

 

Wilson: No wait wait…. Zen…. it's okay. I think this is just a misunderstanding…

 

Zen: ( his eyes faded to a purple, a mix between a hostile and neutral response of emotion)

 

???: How the heck are you able to do that? That… thing… has been trying to maul us all day.

 

Wilson: He is only hostile to you all currently because I assume you tied him up and kinda kidnapped me in a slightly violent way… so it's only reasonable he would be aggressive to you guys.

 

???: Right, about that… I'm sorry about that. We have been having attacks from Maxwell's soldiers a lot recently. We thought you were one…

 

Wilson: All is forgiven, Zen might take a bit to do so though but I'll do my best.

 

???: Plus Wes was there. He is always fight unknown things. I enjoy fighting and I like doing it a lot but if it is unknown I try to be more cautious than to be jumping into battle. Wes was also the one who made the one balloon because he kinda got in the habit of it… he says he used to make balloons all the time for his nieces.

 

Wilson: Sorry, may I ask what your name is?

 

???: Right, sorry my name is Wigfrid.

 

Wilson: You may just call me Wilson considering it is easier to remember, although my full name is Wilson Percival Higgsbury.

 

Wigfrid: Well nice to meet you then.

 

Wilson: Yes of course you too.

 

Wigfrid: Here

Zen: (snorts)

 

Wilson: Zen didn't we just have a conversation about this earlier? Be polite. You can introduce yourself.

 

Wigfrid: Wait he talks?!

 

Wilson: I was quite shocked myself at first as well.

 

Wigfrid: At least I can expect it instead of shocking me…

 

Zen: My name is Zen…..

 

Wilson: Aaaannnnnddd?

 

Zen: It's nice to meet you….

 

Wigfrid: Well it's nice to meet you too. Here I'll let you off the chain. Sorry Zen,about yesterday.

 

(Wigfrid walks over to the chain and lets Zen off)

 

???: (jumps in from a opening in the structure very suddenly) Can I wrestle with it already?! I promise I won't hurt it too badly! Please Wigfrid?!(Wes is not a mime yet, he has jean blue suspenders, ripped jeans, with a grass stained long sleeved white shirt, black leather shoes, and slightly spikier hair than he does as a mime)

 

Wigfrid: Oh for Odin’s sake! Wes stop coming out of nowhere!

 

Wes: Fine…. But seriously why are letting it loose?

 

Wilson: Please don't call him it. He has a name and he was given one to be called by it please.

 

Wes: Including him too, why is he out as well?

 

Wigfrid: Wes I understand you have a playful teenager personality but Wilson was talking to you.

 

Wes: (rolls his eyes) Well then what is his name?

 

Zen: (smirks as he is able to get back at Wes) It's Zen.

 

Wes: (freaks out) What?! How does-

 

Wigfrid: (covers his mouth) Yes, he talks. We have discussed this already.

 

Zen: Spoken well, lady…. Wigfrid was it?

 

Wigfrid: Yes it was.

 

Wilson: (looks over at Zen and gives him a wink as in saying good job or keep it up considering he was encouraging Zen to be gentlemen-like)

 

Wes: Anyways… can I fight it already?!

 

Wigfrid: No Wes! Are you that unaware of your surroundings?!

 

Zen: It's okay, I would like to see what this guy has without helpers or rope.

 

Wilson: Just don't hurt each other too badly. Just wrestle only.

 

Zen: (lunges at Wes)

 

(The two rolled as they brawled each other as they tumbled from Zen’s powerful impact from the lunge)

 

Wilson: (chuckles)

 

???: Who is he? We want to know!

 

Wigfrid: Not we want to know… it is I want to know.

 

???: Right…. sorry, I’m just used to being with my spider friends.

 

Wilson: (shudders and thinks: God, I hate spiders! Why does there have to be one this size?! And a child of all things?!)

 

Wigfrid: This is Webber. It's a long story how he is a kid and all, and certainly a frustrating one for a scientist. Though you we will tell you the story one of these days and possibly even tonight. Just depends.

 

Wilson: How did you know?

 

Wigfrid: That your a scientist? Oh that's easy. The chemical smell of your clothes is quite strong.

 

Wilson: That's what Zen said too…

 

Wigfrid: It's true. Webber go greet him. (She faced Wilson again) We are tying to work on his grammar and make him look a lot more affable. He really is sweet and kind but people often get fearful and sometimes even use unnecessary self defense on him.

 

Wilson: (looks down a little at the floor in shame, he had done the same as well to Webber. The joyful and friendly look upon Webber’s face didn't help either, it only made Wilson feel worse)

 

Webber: Nice to meet you Mister! (Runs up and hugs his tall legs)

 

Wilson: Oh, heh heh, you can just call me Wilson instead would be fine.

 

Webber: Okay Wilson! (Hugs tighter)

 

Wilson: (smiles some and slightly hugs him gently back) So you're Webber, correct?

 

Webber: (lets go and backs away some)

 

Wilson: (Thinks: Maybe this one isn't so bad…)

 

Webber: Can i give him a tour around base Wigfrid? Please?!

 

Wigfrid: Sure, Wilson?

 

Wilson: Sure although is it okay if I wait for Zen to finish wrestling?

 

Webber: Is Zen that big and odd doggie? If that's  the case it doesn't look like they are stopping anytime soon…

 

Wigfrid: Yeah that is Zen, but it will be quick don't worry Wilson.

 

Wilson: (looks back at Zen as they walked away)

 

Webber: These are the tents, we all sleep here. I'm really good with webs and silk considering I grew up with my spider friends, so I can make another for you in not much time at all!

 

Wilson: Well that would be very kind of you, thank you.

 

Webber: Oh wait… I hope Ms.Wigfrid and Wes decided where Zen will sleep…

 

Wilson: Zen will sleep with me… we have been for a few days now.

 

Webber: (gives a shocked look) But he is so large! He is almost the size of a hound! How would he fit in a tent without you two sleeping on top of each other or him crushing you?

 

Wilson: Oh just leave that to me, you just do you. There is something you don't quite know about Zen yet that you will find out soon.

 

Webber: (calms down some) Okay…. if you say so…

 

Webber: (looks up at Wilson again) Also… Zen looked like he had some pretty bad cuts...

 

Wilson: Yeah…

 

Webber: We have plenty of mosquito sacks and healing salves we could use to disinfect those injuries!

 

Wilson: Oh, nice! How come you don’t use spider glands for your healing salves and stuff instead though? They are way more efficient-..... oh, I’m sorry I forgot-

 

Webber: It's okay, we understand. You are just trying to help us out with tips!

 

Wilson: (looks down and rubs his arm) Yeah….

 

Webber: (Puts his hand on Wilson's  shoulder) Seriously it's fine! Come on! I gotta show you the rest rest of our base too!

 

Wilson: (follows the young spider kid) Okay.

 

Webber: (walks to a area with many chests) Here is the storage area. Wes and Wigfrid know where everything is in these chests so don't worry about it! I certainly get confused when they try to explain it to me…

 

Wilson: Yeah… that would be a lot to memorize…

 

Webber: (runs off) Let's go check out the farms!

 

Wilson: (follows) Okay, okay, I'm coming.

 

Webber: Here are the farms! We don't actually eat anything from it though.

 

Wilson: (looks at Webber in confusion) Why not?

 

Webber: We use it to feed the beefalo, plus Wigfrid doesn't eat anything that isn't meat.

 

Wilson: What are beefalo? And how come she doesn't eat meat?

[DragonMage156]

Oh I remember reading some of this on DA. Looks like you've added to it ^^;

[DragonMage156]

Ok now that I've read all of it, I can through out my thoughts.

It's good that there's more characters and development but the story ends pretty abruptly. Maybe something you can work on? Other than that, it's great so far and I can't wait to read more ^_^

[ThatoneDSfan]

On 3/25/2018 at 8:47 PM, DragonMage156 said:

Oh I remember reading some of this on DA. Looks like you've added to it ^^;

Yep. That's me... heh... 

21 hours ago, DragonMage156 said:

Ok now that I've read all of it, I can through out my thoughts.

It's good that there's more characters and development but the story ends pretty abruptly. Maybe something you can work on? Other than that, it's great so far and I can't wait to read more ^_^

The chapter isn't actually done yet... I know it is a bad way to stop but it is not the end of it so.... yeah...... (sorry I can't say that without it being awkward.)

[DragonMage156]

It's fine