The Adventures of Wilson & Friends! (My Don't Starve Story) (UPDATED)

[RetroGamer2000]

The Adventures of Wilson & Friends

Wilson P. Higgsbury was a Scientist, not just a regular one, a Gentlemen Scientist, this Story is gonna tell all the Adventures of Wilson, not only Wilson, but his friends too, like Willow the youngest of them all, Willow loved to Burn things, all kinds of things, trees, twigs, and a lot more, Wilson, one of the middle guys, loved science, he could do anything with the power of his MIND! Wendy, another one of the youngest, didn't like to do anything else, but play with her dead twin sister, Abigail, she died by a strange creature, which is unknown, Wendy plays with Abigail at the graveyard at night when she comes out, Wolfgang, one of the oldest, was very mighty, "I AM MIGHTY, AND NO ONE IS MIGHTIER!" Yelled Wolfgang, all together they kept on doing what they do best, but then all of a sudden a big storm came, after the storm, the others found out that Wilson disappeared, "I wonder where he went?" Wondered Willow, "i hope he didn't get lost or hurt..." Said Wendy, Wilson woke up in a strange wilderness, right above him, there was a strange man, "Say Pal, you don't look so good." "Better find something to eat before night comes" Said the man, and right before Wilson can get a good look at him, he disappeared, "I hate that guy... Whoever he is." Said Wilson, "But he is actually right, i better get moving!" And so, Wilson decided to pick up resources to make a fire, along the way, he found some food too, like berries, carrots, and even seeds! "With the power of my mind, i can build lots of things to help me survive in this strange wilderness..." Said Wilson, Night was coming, so Wilson decided to make a fire, "Hm, this fire won't last long, i better get some logs from that tree over there." Said Wilson, "This flint i found lying on the ground will be great for making an Ax!" Said Wilson, "these twigs will do too!" Wilson finally made an Ax, "just in time" Said Wilson Exhausted after doing all that work, it was night time, Wilson made a campfire for the night, Wilson was in total darkness, "I don't think it is smart to go away from this fire." "Wilson threw a twig into the darkness, All Wilson heard was "Grrrr...." Wilson decided to stop throwing things into the darkness... Morning came, and Wilson decided to have breakfast, "But what am i going to eat for Breakfast?" Wondered Wilson, Wilson decided to make a trap, with the power of his mind of course! to trap little bunnies that came out of there hole, "Maybe i should bait the trap with this carrot, just in case i don't catch anything..." Said Wilson While putting the carrot underneath the trap, Wilson decided to find something to do, "I better be careful!" "Starving is one way to go, but there are other ways to die in this wilderness..." Said Wilson, "Wilson explored his surroundings, finding strange creatures, Wilson came across a BIG White thing, "A SPIDER NEST!" Said Wilson, looking at the nest, "i better not mess with it, especially because it's almost night, after meeting one of Wilson's big dangers, he decided to go back to his trap, "I CAUGHT SOMETHING!" Said Wilson Surprised, but, what he caught was very unexpected and unfortunate... TO BE CONTINUED...

Updated version! Enjoy!

[RetroGamer2000]

The Adventures or Wilson & Friends

Day 2

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Wilson opened the trap, and discovered something very bad in the trap, a Spider, "Uh oh..." Said Wilson Staring at the Spider, Wilson ran until he finally killed the spider with his ax, "That's a relief!" Said Wilson Breathing Heavily, and so, Wilson started his fire and waited until morning, Wilson woke up from sleeping in his straw roll, "Ugh, my Head!" Said Wilson in Pain, "Well, it's better than staying up all night, or sleeping on the hard floor, i guess." Wilson decided to find a better place to spend Day 3, Wilson walked and walked and walked, until he reached... A marsh land, "Well, so much for finding a better place to stay!" Said Wilson, Annoyed, Wilson decided to run through the marsh land, "Maybe across the Marsh land there is a better place... But, right when he walked on the Marsh, all of a sudden, a big purple tentacle thing with spikes all over it came out of the ground! "AHHHHHHH" Yelled Wilson, Scared, "It is way too Dangerous to go through this Marsh without the proper equipment!" Said Wilson "I KNOW! I will create some type of body armor to protect me if i get hit! It still might hurt! But at least i won't die." Said Wilson, and so, Wilson created the Log Suit! "This will protect me if i take any damage." Wilson decided to make a weapon that is stronger than an ax, "A SPEAR! That's it! I can make a spear to help me fight any fool who tries to mess with a Gentlemen Scientist!" "It's sure to be Stronger than that ax! The ax will be for chopping uses only!" Said Wilson, all geared up, he decided to make a run through the Marsh! While he ran through the Marsh, he found some frogs along the way, he decided to get some of the frogs to cook on the warm fire tonight. "I can't wait for tonight, hopefully it will be better than last night! Said Wilson While running through the Marsh Lands! Wilson saw a bridge, so he decided to cross it, "Hopefully this will bring me to a better place." Said Wilson, Crossing the bridge, Across the bridge, Wilson discovered another strange land, the land of the Tallbirds! "Well, this is place isn't the best, but it's sure to be better then that Scary Swamp! Said Wilson, Wilson wandered around, avoiding the Tallbirds, "I'm sure it is not smart to take there eggs..." Wilson says to himself while trying to take the egg... "I really need to get more smart, if i'm gonna survive out in this wilderness..." Said Wilson while running away from the Tallbirds. "Good thing i had my trusty LogSuit on! Or i would of been toast!" Said Wilson, it was getting late, so Wilson decided to get ready for the night, Wilson made his campfire and took off his LogSuit, and put his spear on the ground, "WHAT A DAY!" Said Wilson Proud of all his work... And so, Wilson slept yet again in his Straw roll, dreaming of what Day 3 would be like. TO BE CONTINUED!

Day 2/Part 2! Enjoy!

[jujubomber]

Hmmm, your writing style seems like the story is being narrated to the reader. As for what you can work on, you should start breaking apart the story into more manageable paragraphs, it's less overwhelming for the reader that way. When numbers are used they should be spelled out, example "Day 3" would be "Day three" though there's some kind of different rule for larger numbers (unfortunately I'm not too familiar with it.) Also there's a few capitalization errors.

I'm not the best with writing/critiquing fiction, but I hope this helps. Keep at it!

[RetroGamer2000]

Thanks! I'll try my best!