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One Last Try for Story Time


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Chester Once upon a time there was a dog with only one eye.This dog was a disgrace to others and was shunned away.The dog found then humans.They played with him.The German family had very much fun with him.Than one of the children opened him up and saw he was like a chest on the inside. "I'll name you Otto Von Chesterfield, Esquire.Chester for short," the child said in his native language, German.Rumor spread about the boy and his dog.Eventually the demon Maxwell heard of it and thought it would be great to put on his island.Maxwell summoned Chester with demonic powers and took out his eye.Chester would only follow Maxwell now so he realized that would happen for anyone carrying the eye-bone.He put down the eye-bone into the ground and hid Chester where nobody could find him unless they picked up the eye-bone.Then Chester would find them.

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Feedback anyone?

post-8696-1376459629558_thumb.jpgAll you said was that Maxwell took out it's eye, so I have to assume that the dog wasn't like an ordinary dog, it looked like a pumpkin with stubby legs, I'd be a little freaked out seeing a dog look like that! It has to be logical in the real world, perhaps Maxwell changed what it was like when he transported it into the islands.Also, if it was just a dog with one eye, how could it look like a chest on the inside?And why would a child feel like looking inside of it's dog for no reason?Over all, it should have been explained a little better, I give it a 4/10.
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[ATTACH=CONFIG]10597[/ATTACH]All you said was that Maxwell took out it's eye, so I have to assume that the dog wasn't like an ordinary dog, it looked like a pumpkin with stubby legs, I'd be a little freaked out seeing a dog look like that! It has to be logical in the real world, perhaps Maxwell changed what it was like when he transported it into the islands.Also, if it was just a dog with one eye, how could it look like a chest on the inside?And why would a child feel like looking inside of it's dog for no reason?Over all, it should have been explained a little better, I give it a 4/10.

Okay I'll fix it.
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