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"let base in caves?"


...it was a public server.
I don't know what made me actually consider the suggestion.
I know how this is going to go.

It was about as much of a disorganized clown fiesta as one might expect. But after the struggles for food, resource buildup, and ignoring people dashing through base chased by hordes of Bunnymen and Spider Warriors just to finally get that last piece of armor crafted so they can not die for another minute or two...
Things were actually kind of stabilizing. It was going decently.
The pure drainers left. Those remaining are actually putting in an effort.



I know how this is going to go.

Precraft Helms, Life Giving Amulets, Weapons, fires, way more food than would logically be needed, procure a stack of Light Bulbs, bring supplies for more of everything.

Someone in this server already died yeeting themself into the Ruins and ragequit.
Several more didn't know what the Atrium was.
I know how this is going to go.

Our merry band makes its way into the darkness.
I hold back what I can for the right moments, mostly playing a support role.
Try and get aggro off of people, run around with a light source, look for signs of the world gen that leads to the Guardian, call out worldgen that I know will lead to dead ends.
Keep picking up gold and rocks to pass out Helms.
Build exactly 18 Fire Pits, staving off the Winter cold.
Don't mention the Life Giving Amulets so they won't be too careless. Fear is powerful.
Once the first person dies, drop my Amulets and use the Ruins supplies to craft more and pass them out. Make sure everyone gets one for when we inevitably split up in panic.

Warly keeps making food for the others with mob drops.
We find every dead end.
The ruins are basically mapped.
2 of our party have disconnected, including the Warly.
Wortox keeping us healed up though, while most of our group sustains on dropped scraps.
...finally, back to the entrance, to check out a tiny land bridge.

T H E R E  Y O U  A R E.

2 steps into the Labyrinth and there's a growl. Message to stop, moving forward, just a bit too late.
There's a straight path to Guardy McAngryPants and he's charging at the Wendy.
Flees to the side.
Depth Dwellers raining down.
I run over to take them out so she can run back the way she came.
Oh hey, there's a pillar on a gap that looks just big enough to cross through to the Guardian's layer.
Perfect, I'll just run through here, the Guardian chamber is more open and I'll be able to dodge there.
 > oh hey there's the body of the guy that ragequit right in the middle of the 'gap'
 > oh hey this 'gap' isn't big enough
 > oh hey there's a guardian horn in my butt
 > oh hey I think I just figured out how he died

Thankfully got the Guardian to aggro on the Spiders and ran around, made yet another fire pit and
we just kind of
sat there
watching it
as it kept trying to run through the pillar
Spiders piling on it and dropping as quickly as they spawned

Finally I decide...
Well, you know what? I have helm supplies. I have dark swords. I can make spears.
Guardian dies in 3 hits.


Depths Dwellers OP pls nerf.




So then

They want to at least bring the stuff back to base before disconnecting, right?
Ok, let's go.
MAD DASH THROUGH THE RUINS DURING THE 'everything wants to eat you' PHASE
Food's all gone, sustaining on Monster Meat drops.
Height of Winter, Rain pouring down, others freezing every 10 seconds.
Only one person still has a Lantern with fuel; the same Lantern that was stolen twice by Monkeys.

welp I'm out of wood for fires
welp my hunger's at 25
welp 15 Shadow Splumonkeys on me and the happy ruins phase isn't coming for like 4 minutes

I hurriedly type the situation to my dying comrades.
As the realization dawns to their horror, I yeet myself from one end of the caves to the other.
In no condition to tank.
For some reason being pummeled by poop even though monkeys aren't supposed to do that in shadow mode?
Now there're 2 Terrorbeaks mixed in with the horrible mob that's been sticking 2 feet behind me.

...almost home, I have an idea.
We have a Bunnyman/Spider farm.
Important part, Bunnyman.
Bunnymen hate evil things, right?
They'll help me.
They'll make all the scary things go away.
As soon as they stop fighting the Spider infestation that we created in the middle of their happy little village.

They're almost done.
I keep dodging monkey bites.
Any second now.
Get stuck on house.
Health low, but enough left that I'd have time to open the fridge and not die, as soon as the Bunnies turn and come to my aid...
Which they're doing.
They're turning toward me!
I'm saved!
they're all
running in

Crap, I'm holding the Guardian Horn.







Give a bit for everything to calm down.
Revive with the Amulet I dropped.
Gather everything back up.
Drop the Amulet in my bag for one of my returning comrades.
Slaughter the monkey that stole my crown, breaking it in the process.
We just had a new player join. A Webber that's going to die in 5 minutes to the Bunnymen; he keeps miraculously showing up with hordes of them chasing him...I'm quite sure more Bunnymen than actually exist in this world.
A fitting torchbearer for our trainwreck's future.

The returning goon squad drops all of our procured goods at base for the next generation of professional survivors.
The myth, the legend, Wortox suicides on the Bunnymen; the Racists, as he calls them. They've had a feud for as long as he's been in this world.
Ending how it all began.
Poetry in motion.


I decide that I'd like a fitting end, as well.
A warrior's end.
A Valkyrie's end.
I've surpassed so much hardship.
This has to go out with a bang.


I find my path.
I rid myself of worldly possessions, holding only what is needed for the task at hand.
The two damaged Dark Swords that I was saving for a lengthy Guardian fight.
My trusted Moggles, that carried me so far...and just enough Glow-berries to restore them to their former glory.
49 Health.
A broken character.
And unbridled fury toward anything that moves.

The Racists fall one by one, until none of their kind remain.
The Spiders.

I realize that I'm gaining a following; my final comrade, and the young Webber.
The torchbearer.
He has much to learn.
May my final moments be his guide.

The Tentapillar meets its end by my hand. Its feeble attempts at resistance, but scratches against my steel skin.
Without a moment of hesitation, my battle lust carries me into its black pit.

I see them.
The winged rats.
Hatred in their eyes.
Venom in their fangs.
And they die.
And they die.
And they die.

Screaming rage at a world that refuses to grant me the end I so crave, I feast upon the raw flesh of my enemies.
9 Health remaining...

And that's when I see them.
The Spider Nests.
The Spiders that plagued my previous world.
Swarming the camp their unclean hordes.
Unconstrained, and ravenous.
The Warriors within, ever thirsty for battle...

...this is what I was looking for.


Charging forward.

A gleeful battle cry, beckoning my adversaries toward the greatest fight of their lives.


As I took my final steps toward Valhalla, I left my people with one final message...
"See you in Space-Compton."





Thank you for coming to my TED talk.

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