The Sad Tale of Errol the Beefalo


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The Sad Tale of Errol the Beefalo non-fiction

As I was loading Don't Starve Together on my XboxOne, I saw that a man by the name of LordBrutuus put up a post, saying that he needed a Wolfgang, so I said "I gotchu", and he sent me an invitation to join his 400-plus day world, which was going through Spring at that time. I joined the world as Wolfgang and did Wolfgang things, like tanking the Bee Queen, eating all their food, and murdering Goose Goose families. As I was doing these Wolfgang things, I heard someone say "You sick son of a! Stupid Errol!" It was the third player in the world who said this, a man by the name of SoulHunter, and SoulHunter has been helping LordBrutuus since the very beginning of the world. I asked SoulHunter "Who the heck is Errol?" and He said "Oh, Errol is our tamed beefalo, with the war saddle. He's an idiot." I was about to say that it is rude to call him in idiot, when LordBrutuus suddenly said "Oh flip, I gotta go." So he shut down his world, and was left thinking about poor Errol.

A day passed, and I saw that LordBrutuus and SoulHunter were online again, so I joined the world to help some more. He said he was low on rocks, so I went to his moon portal to switch to Maxwell. SoulHunter came with me to switch to Wolfgang because he wanted to check out a new skin he got. He also decided to follow me to a petrified forest to clear out spider nests, and he rode Errol. During the journey to the petrified forest, Errol shook SoulHunter off, and he yelled "Errol! You sick son of a!" Then he took out a Tail o' Three Cats and whipped poor Errol before feeding the beefalo a measly twig and hopping back on the war saddle. Then we continued our journey to the petrified forest. SoulHunter protected me from spiders as I gathered resources. In other words, Errol did all the work while a Wolfgang sat lazily on his back, casually muttering "You sick son of a!" and whipping poor Errol if he did something wrong. I dropped off the resources I collected, then quit the world and turned the TV off to go to bed. I haven't yet joined that world again, but one thing is certain. Errol's life is simply full of the misery of head-butting spiders, getting whipped, and working his *ss off.

Poor Errol.

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