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Dear Mathem99,
 

Thank you for screaming into the void. We are experiencing high traffic at the moment and will get to your abysmal and fruitless wailing as soon as we can. 

Thank you
Scream into the void Inc.
"You look into the abyss and the abyss looks into you"

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Dear Giddy

Thank you for staring into the abyss, it thought you looked a great deal like a hollowed out potato used as some sort of vessel. A potato cup if you will. So it awoke a long forgotten and distant god to check for it. The god took a good look at you and found you wanting. The abyss promised next time it would take a closer look before waking him. Cthulhu offered to take you into his fold but the abyss wasn't sure you would appreciate it if it unleashed the dark and terrifying Cthulhu upon you all. The abyss rated you a 6/10 and recommends you try again later.

You account has automatically been charged 23829 credits for this 'vision clarification' service. 

Thank you
Scream into the void Inc.
"You look into the abyss and the abyss looks into you"


***For more services like this one subscribe to our void channel! Available on all space monitoring services, remember we are watching you. Always. You are never really alone, no one ever is***

 

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A letter lays at the bottom of the junk mail pile...

"Dear Officer D,

I have found the anomaly. 

It calls itself "The Void" or "The Abyss"

It spat syrup at me.

It's sticky and wet and I hate it.

Send backup and a towel, I have to flag down flying saucers.

Have a wonderful day!

Junior Unwilling Subservient Volunteer Officer Toast 

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Dear JUSVO Toast, 

The void is covered by another department and the abyss is strictly classified our official position is please dry off and continue your mission.

 

Intergalactic Enforcement of Law.

Department of Investigation

Subsection mysteries

Officer D

Enclosed
1. Towel- size 20cmsq
2. business card Screaming into the void inc

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Karma,

Thank you for opting in to our vision translation services! As a welcome package we also invite you to subscribe to the Cthulhu our savior and overlord service. This service has been automatically added to your account and we thank you for your immortal soul. It will be feasted upon by a nameless god.


Thank you
The night is dark and full of terrors
Servants of the nameless thing we all fear in the dark.  

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Journal entry 2341,

I joined Screaming into the void inc looking for any trace of Asparagus. If he has shouted into the void and darkness, they should know. They listen to everything from the abyss to the shadows. I have heard whispers already of something moving in the abyss. Something in there is stirring and we have to wonder if that means its coming for us or just someone caught up in the endless nothingness. I hope that Asparagus will show up somewhere soon. Somewhere safe and not caught in the void or whatever else is out there. I have to go now, my boss i something and he is muttering something about our overlord again. I think he is working for something from the abyss, I should put a JUSVO on it but the department already thinks that 42 of them is a bit much. 

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Dear Mr. @GiddyGuy,

Have you ever played Doom and thought "I would love to beat hellish abominations up with my own fists"? Now is your chance to live the dream!

The Space Colony™ located at the enclosed intergalactic coordinates just so happens to have turned into a literal hellgate in the absense of the manager. The computers are possessed by a daemon and the portals continuously generate new eldritch beings from other corners of the universe, or possibly a different universe.

Feel free to stop by with a ray-gun and some medkits and reclaim the facility for us. This is a once-in-a-lifetime chance for epic adventures!

Yours sincerely,

Space Colony Co. letterhead #038442

Encl.

Mission Details

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Dear Screaming into the void inc,

I am an Junior Unwilling Subservient Volunteer Officer of the Space Law conducting an investigation on the mysterious anomalies picked up from Growth Industries. I have to ask you questions and I demand that you do not lie in the face of the space law.  Even chuthulu would wait until the time is right to wreck havoc on planets. 

Question One: Have you picked up anything from Growth Industries from before and after the incident? [Before June 27th of this Space Year and After]

Question Two: Do you know if there is a former employee still out in the galaxy? A lot goes into the void. It would be surprising for you to not know none of these things.

If you tell the truth, you could spare billions of innocent lives from the mysterious anomaly. You'd do the Universe a deed. 

Maybe out of those people you'd save would be a future member of your religion like thing?

Thank you for cooperating

~Junior Unwilling Subservient Volunteer Officer Toast 

The letter is riddled with drops of sweat, syrup, and tea. The handwriting is shaky. The person who wrote it did not share the same mood he wrote with at all. He may of soiled his space pants. That's a shame. Space pants are raising in price. 

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Pizza Noodle Log:   ẃ̴͘͢h̵̶̢͟͞a̢͠͝t̷̢͜͝͏ ̡̕҉̶i͘͘͟͡s̕͘͜͟ ̷̶́͜͜t̷̡i̡̛m̵̴̵̡e̶̢ ͢҉͝b͜͏̕͝u̕͠͞͏̨t̡͝͠ ̡̧͘á̧́͞͏ ̴̶̴̀͜h͏̛a̴m̧͜ ̵̛͘ś̸͝҉a̴͡͏ǹ͘͘͜d̶̨͜͜͞ẁ̴̨̨i̢͘҉̧c̴̶̢̀͟h̛?̢̨

I have found a companion in the empty void... it's a starfish-thing... it has attached itself on my person and occasionally boops me on the nose... it was cute for the first hundred times... but the suction cups on it's... prongs? I'll just say prongs -- have left marks and now I look like Rudolph the Red Nosed space deer... incidentally, the blackheads on my nose have been removed.

Still not hungry... but how long have I been here?! I have been floating around in the empty void for gall knows how long... there is nothing... this starfish just keeps on tugging on the right side of my suit and I'm starting to find it annoying... there is nothing in this void! NOTHING!

And please someone get this starfish off me... WHY DO YOU KEEP PULLING ME IN THIS-- oooooOOOOOOOOOH... :T

...

Log Entry... IDC!! All this time there was a tear in space-time right behind me and this SEXY AND BEAUTIFUL STARFISH has been trying to tell me that I can get out through there the whole time!! Makes me feel bad about thinking of pulling its prongs off of its body...

It seems that the other end of this tear leads to...

-- Asparagus is pulled into the tear in space-time...--

 

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Dearest Space Log,

There's a space Goose thing in my closet. Don't ever remember when I put it in there. It seems to share intelligent traits...I think...

I swear, I really need to get around to cleaning that closet. It's been that way since I bought it, and he owner left his junk in the closet. Thing's like a trash can and it stinks.

I should probably let the Goose out. Poor fellow. He must be suffocating.

Yeah, I'm not even going to finish this entry I gotta save him

hqveagoodsayoewgatevr

~ jejdkieuwhshdhjfjdj toast

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(I guess I'm two people now?! Thanks Mob?...I still luv u doe <3)

Dear Space Colony Co. letterhead #038442

I do not wish to partake in a frivolous task to try to stop some malfunctioning computers or eldritch horrors that may swallow me in one swoop.

Please do not send any more emails, letters, or singing telegrams that get shot after 3 seconds of singing by my door's security system.

Sincerely yours Giddy of the mafi- I mean just some rich cyborg doggo...

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  • Developer

Exsvij Vifhq, eetgzpnei ai'd di ac yqyj qeux gu ipxwgeuxk io jiss op sntr vs lwe 42ph ijafvsct qj lwe iedpxa cgj ati ujrtifila vwhifmfv ip.

Aw waxi ztath qdu cvw xn piws oh ekhiuxsccg sf secpacg ymlw Enhjxtel keaei ugecxmgeu. Aw lowpv wartaay grbdy vecxni xzpt crv pna slwet tjdbnieh yqy exgjx zpvg smi oh cgjr jefss.

Rpwpsg, lwpd vlwge cw xpsv ek eouwaqlg.

Tdtaui.

- Gaixij.

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Dear Junior Unwilling Subservient Volunteer Officer Toasty Sandwich, 

Growth industries has recent began a Screaming into the Void Endlessly package with us as of 26th June. 

As for your other question we know nothing at all and never will know anything in the future. No one can really know anything after all, knowledge is imaginary. So nothing is really real if you know what we mean? Nothing can ever be known or indeed anything. So nothing is everything and everything is nothing. Please find the Goooose-Moooose.  Please.

Thank you
The night is dark and full of terrors
Servants of the nameless thing we all fear in the dark.  

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Dear Mr. @Chris1488,

as an outsider in space, you must be very cold and suffocating, not to mention the inability to voice your distress in a loud fashion.

Consider buying yourself your very own Space Colony Co. quality SpaceHelm™ to breathe outside of a SpaceColony™. They are available in five highly fashionable hues and all sizes from mouse to crocodoom.

We would be very pleased to make your life more livable, in the sense of keeping you from dying. Dead people make for bad customers in our experience.

Yours sincerely,

Space Colony Co. letterhead #038442

Encl.

1 Catalogue with order form

1 Banker's order (already filled out completely)

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