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Dear Growth Industries, 

I have been given your address by the company "Tug Thug Bros" 

I would like to pay you for you catering services.

Please do not include any wheat or wheatlike products.

Anything else is fine except steamed klappto.

I am not a very big fan of it.

I have one question:

What variety of beverages do you have, and do any of them have harmful effects if stored in a water cooler?

Thank you for your time

Mr.Toast.

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Dear Mr Vict Toaster., 

You have reached the end of it all Growth Industries,

Abandon all hope ye who 
Thank you for expressing interest in our products! Help us please

We do not stock KlappTo. Or whEat proDucts. 

OUr products will consume you alive can be stored how ever you like. 

For more details please visit our facility.

Growth Industries. 
 

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Mr Toast,

We have been unable to contact anyone from Growth Industries lately. 

You are the last client listed in their books, under section 24 of the intergalactic regulations and rules you are responsible for investigating.

Please find enclosed you mission, responsibilities and charter of intergalactic rulings.

Report in once you have located the problem at Growth Industries. 

Intergalactic Enforcement of Law.

Department of Investigation

Subsection mysteries

Officer D

Attachments

1. Mission statement and Outline

2. Intergalactic responsibilities for the everyday

3. How to survive an intergalactic mission

4. Intergalactic rulings and law basics

5. Recommended Intergalactic insurance and health policies. 

 

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CONGLATURATIONS!!!!

You have been randomly selected by our Genetic Lifeform and Disk Operating System to receive a FREE Space Station Internal Fabulousing Set!!! Please send a letter containing your delivery adress as well as the account number and password to your GalaxYCredit account to cover shipping costs to E.H. CredQuick Industries - Nebula 4.Rß - South Hampton.

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Officer D,

Encased is a letter sent from Growth Industries sent to me. I'm sure you will see many strange things about it.

Clearly there's some space demons in there.

You better send every single one of your officers in there.

Mr.Toast

Dear Mr Vict Toaster., 

You have reached the end of it all Growth Industries,

Abandon all hope ye who 
Thank you for expressing interest in our products! Help us please

We do not stock KlappTo. Or whEat proDucts. 

OUr products will consume you alive can be stored how ever you like. 

For more details please visit our facility.

Growth Industries. 
 

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Dear Space Colony Co,

I found something weird and it has given me "powers". I can do things I've never done before. But no one believes me and I know their plotting to kill me me me me me me me me me.......... I was wondering, can you please send help and people with great knowledge of your technology. No worries after everything is back to normal levels. I will send them back to your HQ. So, they can share the information they've gain from me to you. I will come with them, so we can talk in person. You know like all normal humans. Face to face to face and face. Were all humans after all, right?  Hurry please send them I neeeeeeeeed their help with my projects and saving of the home I've made for my children.

Weeeeeeeee can not wait to meet you.

sun2.png "The Roots of our Knowledge will reach you" -Skull24


 

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Dear Mr. @Blewcheese,

We appreciate your ascertainment of the fact that this is, in fact, a roleplay to a game which hasn't been released to the public yet.

As you can see, business is thriving and we are short of participants at times.

Please consider taking part in this wonderful economy by removing the daemon haunting Tug Thug Bros and soon Mr. Toast. Of course we will supply you with the necessary AVG Free Edition.

Many thanks for your engagement.

Yours sincerely,

Space Colony Co. letterhead #038442

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Dear Space Colony Co. letterhead #038442,

Regretfully, I know nothing of demons or how one would rid a colony of them.

However, I do enjoy free stuff as much as the next man. I may not know what an "AVG Free Edition" is, but I want one.

If I die trying to exorcise the space demons, please send my family my regards and condolences, as well as I died for the noblest of all causes: lust for material goods.

Many thanks,

Mr. Blewcheese, Sandwich Monitor Inc.

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Dear Mr Toast,

It has come to our attention that several... things have escaped from Growth Industries. You have now been given the rank of junior unwilling subservient volunteered officer. Congratulations on your promotion.

Your new mission is to track down these escaped beings and return them to Growth Industries so that Measure 13 can be carried out. 

Regards

Intergalactic Enforcement of Law.

Department of Investigation

Subsection mysteries

Officer D

Attachments

1. Mission

2. Measure 13 Intergalactic annihilation policy

3. Promotion package- JUSVO

4. 1 packet Jelly babies.

 

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On 7/1/2016 at 8:45 PM, LadyD said:

 

4. 1 packet Jelly babies.

Dear Officer D,

I've been looking outside the window of my heavily armored one man ship and I've yet to notice any beings. There's just a bunch of stars and jelly baby crumbs [I'm a messy eater] Have you got any idea on where these creatures might be? Could you send me the coordinates if so? Could you also send a thermostat with some tea in it? The heating's been glitching out and I'd really appreciate it.

Thank you,

Junior Unwilling Subservient Volunteer Officer Toast 

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JUSVO Toast,
 

If I knew where they were I would not have sent you looking. Now stop stalling and get to work or I will be forced to report you for non-compliance. 

 

Intergalactic Enforcement of Law.

Department of Investigation

Subsection mysteries

Officer D

Attachments

1. Twilight tea company Tea bag- English breakfast

2. Bottle of water

3. UHT milk

4. Instruction manual for tea making. 

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Human Toast,

Greetings, from the ravenous interdimensional amphibious spider/slug space terror currently onboard your ship.  As I write this letter, I am currently outside your office, slowly drinking the organs out of this delicious meaty fleshsack I found.  I smile in sadistic pleasure as he writhes helplessly, screaming silent, breathless screams as his meaningless life is gradually drained from his body.  And I smile too as his vibrantly crimson flesh juice runs down my claws, creating an echoing plink each time a drop hits the cold, metallic floor. 

Plink.

Plink.

Plink.

I look forward to meeting you.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Sincerely,

Sluggy Jr, Esq.

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Officer D,

I may have found them. They're in my ship now. Not contained. I'll need backup. Like right now. It drinks organs and I wouldn't like it very much if that happened to me. Especially my liver. I'll really need that thing after this so if you could hurry on your way that would be nice. Also, this tea is lovely. Thank you. 

Thank you

Junior Unwilling Subservient Volunteer Officer Toast 

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JUSVO Toast,
 

I wouldn't worry too much about that, remote scanning has revealed only two unexpected life forms on your ship. We estimate a total of some 50 life forms are still unaccounted for. Please get in touch when you have found the others.

 

Intergalactic Enforcement of Law.

Department of Investigation

Subsection mysteries

Officer D

Attachments

1. Pride, Prejudice and intergalactic slugs 

2. Bottle Aspirin

3. Intergalactic star charts section 3-29 alpha. #39 and three banana. 

 

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Beloved @Asparagus,

I have no idea if this message will reach you. I have attached it to an alien lifeform that can exist in the void. They are some sort of Star fish or something. It will travel far and wide, I hope that eventually it finds you. I resigned from Tug Thug Bros after they tried to renegotiate my contract for the fourth time that day. I am now an officer for the intergalactic police, apparently my forensics knowledge is a great asset. When I asked who it was an asset to they got a little vague. Still can't be worse than writing training manuals and trashy books. I just finished another one actually- Pride, Prejudice and intergalactic slugs. Part mystery, part romance and part interspecies politics. My editor was impressed. 

I should go, my work is heavily monitored and they time every tea break, besides I am supposed to be checking on the latest group of unwilling subservients. Making sure they are doing their duty, or sending you know what after them.

I miss you every environmental system set and controlled day/night cycle. 

D

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Log 69, Day 147... or at least I think it is...

Welp, same as yesterday, the void is unending, but time doesn't seem to move... I mean, I feel like it's been months, but I'm not hungry, not thirsty... even poop and pee are absent :T or am I just dead? This loneliness and boredom is unbearable... the only thing keeping me sane is the thought of my love... @LadyD... I wish you were here... scratch that... I wish I was there with you... sipping space tea in our space desk, in our space apartment... space... space never changes... I am writing all this on my sleeve... I ran out of paper weeks ago... the E-Log is full and I've gone and replayed Space Impact 3D for a thousand times now :T

I sure hope I get out of here-- oh... is that a-- O__O

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Dear Mr. Toast,

Congratulations to your promotion! Seldom do our customers join the IEL, so this is a special occasion to us.

More precisely, your Space Colony™ now belongs to us again and you must compensate for all damage done to it (see Endorsement Deal §§74.15). Furthermore, all contents are now also property of Space Colony Co., but in your case, this is irrelevant anyways, so feel free to take the remaining inhabitants out.

This does not mean that you would have to give up on leading a Space Colony™ though. We offer you a 25% discount on our prototype Phantom Penal Colony* products to aid you in your mission. Consider it a fresh change and a chance to learn from past mistakes!

*Patent pending

Many thanks for your continual trust in Space Colony Co.!

Yours sincerely,

Space Colony Co. letterhead #038442

Encl.

1 Catalogue

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