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Walter, the Fearless. We all know him. Some hate him, some love him. However, I'm about to drop some sick lines that will expose the fact that Walter is dumb, short, and stinky. Walter has almost no coherence in his upsides and downsides. First off, he can craft a tent roll. Looks like we got a nice character with unique crafts to help the team! Let's see what else he can craft that the team can use. A boy scout hat which is used for sanity gain! What else? Oh, sorry, he doesn't have anything else. (if he has something else that's not slingshot related, feel free to call me dumb, short, and stinky) Next, there's campfire stories. You sit at a campfire or fire pit and you tell a spooky story, only at night, for a sanity gain for everyone in the nearest vicinity. This, along with the tent roll, are pretty good perks! They're coherent, work with the boy scout motif, let's see what's next! Thirdly, he's allergic to bees. Why? This has no coherence at all. It's just like some guy at Klei said "Uhh, guys, Walter doesn't have enough perks.." and then he got stung by a bee and said "Oh, nevermind, I just got a great idea!" There is no reason for this perk to exist. It barely even ties in with his character! Willow likes fire, so her downside is getting cold easier! Wes is a mime, so his downside is that the universe hates him! Wanda made the timeline wacky, so her downside is that her timeline is wacky! Fourth, while we're on the topic of downsides, Walter's main downside is that when he gets hit, his sanity goes bananas down the drain. This makes some coherent sense. If you go up and slap a child, they will cry. If you go up and slap a 24 year old, they will cry, but not as much. You can lessen this downside by wearing his special hat that makes him take less insanity from damage. You could also wear a helmet and take less damage in the first place, but the sanity drain is really oppressive if you're going to tank. Fifth, the slingshot. I like this. Keep it. Sixth, Woby. Probably Walter's best perk. Not only do you get 9 extra inventory slots just for existing, a couple monster meat, and you can go really fast, as long as you don't get hit. You can also use the slingshot on Woby, so, go wild. The only issue is the fact that there's not really much to do with Woby and being a boy scout. Maybe something about returning lost dogs? Seventh, the final reason Walter is dumb and short and stinky. His max sanity is low, so he is dumb. He is a child, so he is short. He probably has not bathed since coming to the constant, so he is stinky. I rest my case.
Wigfrid. The actress. Another combat player. At war with Wolfgang. Back by unpopular demand, it's me. Yeah, it's Wigfrid. Yeah, I'm gonna call her dumb and stinky. It's par for the course at this rate. But before that, let's see what makes Wigfrid tick (YOOOO THEY SAID TICK?!?!?!?! WANDA DUMB AND STINKY CONFIRMED??????) Act 1: Rise of the Valkyrie Alright, first off let's preface with the fact Wigfrid is not a viking, but is actually a stage performer. This is very important. Wigfrid's main perk is her permanent 25% bonus in combat, which is a 25% defense bonus from all sources, and, if I remember correctly, a 25% damage bonus to everything. She can also craft battle spears and helmets for the team, which are better than their normal counterparts. Her main downside is the fact that she can only eat meat. And goodies. This means she won't have access to easy food when out and about, and will have to resort to hunts and killing small animals. No more eating bits and bobs to avoid starvation for you! This, along with her low max hunger, gives her a good and mostly balanced downside. Along with all this, she also has lifesteal. When attacking an enemy, she gains health and sanity using some wacky calculations, and, in all honesty, I don't know how they work and I don't want to know. Act 2: Hit Those High Notes In her refresh, Wigfrid got an inspiration meter and various songs to craft in the stagecraft crafting tab. Inspiration is obtained by returning to your primal monkey instincts and just hitting those bad guys. Along with the monkeys. Yeah, hit those too. She gets more inspiration if the foe she faces can kick her ass easily (see: bosses). This includes every mob with special battle music, because music is important for inspiration. This inspiration can be used to make scrolls, which, when used, cause varying things to happen for you, your enemies, or your team. Starting off with the two small and boring ones, Startling Soliquity and Rude Interlude, these scrolls spook enemies or make them aggro you, depending on the scroll used. You can figure out which scroll startles enemies and which one aggros through reading and the process of elimination. Unless you can't. Then you're dumb, and maybe a little stinky. Next are the scrolls that affect players. Heartrending Ballad gives Wigfrid more lifesteal and gives everyone else around Wigfrid lifesteal. Not sanity steal though. Bel Canto of Courage makes everyone around Wigfrid take less bosses from those foes that can scare the hell out of everyone except Walter because Walter's too insane to get scared. The Weapon One I Forgot The Name Of makes people's weapons drain durability slower. How does a song do this, you ask? Clearly you've never listened to music while beating the hell out of someone. The Firey One, I'm Forgetful And Also Forgot This Ones Name makes you take 33% less damage from fire. Yeah, that's it. Use this against Klaus and Dragonfly, I guess? And Willow mains in PvP. And finally, the Clear Minded Cadenza gives players sanity steal. Because they deserve it. Act 3: What I Would Add Honestly? I would just change the firey one so that it was actually useful. Either make more enemies use fire, or give it a bonus against seasons instead of fire. Alright, that's it. Go yell at me in the comments about how I didn't call Wigfrid dumb and stinky at all this post.
Willow. The lady with the bear and the real cool skins. Nightmare fuel farming 101. Join a public server as her to speedrun getting votekicked. Let's go over Willow's upsides and all learn why the bear is Tall, Dumb, and Stinky. Chapter 1: The fire and its beauty. Willow is a pyromaniac who lucked out in the gene pool and got immunity to fire. No need for a fire pit, just use dragonfly's lava pools! This immunity to fire allows Willow to not have to worry about burning her hands, since she'll never get burned, allowing her to cook food twice as fast, provided it's on a fire, and not in a pot. Willow also gains sanity from being near fire, so get Glommer as close as possible to that fire pit for a nice sanity station! Willow also gets 1.2 more sanity gain and drain from all sources. Make a lighter for your friends, for them to throw it away when they get a lantern! Willow can make a lighter (she starts with it too) that lasts a long time, but can't be refueled. She can cook on it too (iirc so can the chef and the scout), so don't worry about eating raw meat! Willow also gets a small overheat resistance, which unfortunately means Willow in winter is like a full beard Wilson in summer. Chapter 2: The Tall, Dumb, and Stinky bear. Alright, so imagine if you went bananas. I'm talking totally wacky here. Just going totally zaney. You, being a Willow main, drop your teddy bear, and it kicks the hell out of anything you see that may or may not be caused by insanity. Imagined it? Ok, that's Bernie. Willow starts with her teddy bear Bernie, who is equipable for 60 insulation and a small sanity gain, at the cost of durability over time. When you drop him, however, Bernie does nothing. When someone who is not Willow is insane in the nearby area, Bernie does a neat jig and probably calls the moms of the shadow monsters fat, making them aggro on him. When Willow is insane near Bernie, Bernie becomes BERNIE! (hereby referred to as big bodacious b). Big Bodacious B. is capable of fighting back against the nightmare monsters, claiming he knows their mom on a very personal level, but instead of being a preteen cod gamer, he has the strength to back it up. He does, however, have a health meter. That goes down when he gets hit. Big Bodacious B. makes farming nightmare fuel easy, since you just have to drop a couple bernies (only one Big Bodacious B. may be active per Willow but all bernies can activate regardless of Willow's presence iirc) and let them tank the nightmares, before going near a fire when you want to sanity up. This results in a lot of nightmare fuel, since you don't gain sanity when Big Bodacious B. goes on a mass murdering spree, but when you vanquish your nightmares, you gain sanity. Big Bodacious B. activates at high enlightenment in the lunar island, and does not fight gestalts. He can also be healed with a sewing kit when he's in the inventory. Chapter 3: What would I change? Let Willow craft a special item that lets her activate Big Bodacious B. at high sanity, or deactivate him at will. Also make Bernie turn into a new berniemon evolution, Enlightened Bernie, when on the lunar island. Not only when enlightened. Finally, change fire damage. Make it a bit more powerful, and give Willow a fire weapon that works better the lower sanity she has, making her be at her best when backed into a corner, as shown in her short. Let Willow extinguish things that are on fire, and make mobs drop items that are on fire instead of ash when they die on fire. This gives the fire staff, dart, and theoretical Willow fire weapon an actual use for combat. Finally, Bernie, Enlightened Bernie, and Big Bodacious B. are both tall and short, with one real evolution and one theoretical evolution being tall, and one being short. Majority vote means Bernie is tall, dumb because he has no known sanity level therefore having zero brain stat, and stinky because bathing in fire is not a real bath. Alright, that's all. Have a good one.