Donke60

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About Donke60

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  1. I wrote this not sure why? (Well actually I do know why as I reread this) I wanted to share I have more of the story I've been rather sick for a few weeks and still am so I thought I show you guys this because I miss making things for people to see. (and also I need a way to feed my ego so that I don't think i'm total garbage)


    I don't know what's going on. How I got here,if i can leave or if I'm even in the same world. But I'm scared and all I can remember were hearing the murmers of a man and when I awoke I found this jornal by my side and noticed that i'm not in my home anymore. Everything seems peaceful but there is a sense of madness to this "place". Trees don't look the same animals or weird hybrids to abomnations. Every night I hear whispers and feel as if someone is following me. What is this place? What does it want? I don't know and it scares me, I'm so afraid the only solice I have is writing my thoughts down,but as I read them I feel like i'm slowly losing my mind. 

    I came across a village of some sort it was made by pig people they were rather friendly. I asked too stay with them, for being in a house seemed better then the cold ground. But they just said "stay away" (I think there huts only serve one anyway) They did help me when I offered meat that I found on the side of the road(lucky me) and help me get wood and kill some spiders. Which was great I'm glad I'm not the only one that hates them though I hated them before they were the size of a dog. Today was rather peaceful maybe this place isn't so bad at least the "people" are nice, maybe I was overreacting and all that stuff yesterday was in my head?

    I don't know exactly why but I have a strange compulsion to keep going forward;a strange urge to find something but I don't know what I want to go home but this feeling is different. It's driving me it's showing me things I didn't even know I could do I've made a machine How I don't know but that's not it I see more machines,more things, luxuries, Have I finally lost it?  How can I do this? Why can I do this?  WHAT COMPELS  ME TO GO FORWARD!?. 

    I killed something today and I feel awful but I was so hungry. I just couldn't stop myself I turned away as it screamed it was a bunny, A POOR BUNNY! Whats wrong with me? This place is turning me into a monster, a beast, i'm scared what if I get free I can't return to my home and I'm shunned by society? Do I belong here? I haven't seen that "man" anywhere other then a few statues he has the biggest ego I've ever seen. Where is he or did he exist and is no more I found dead bodies before but they were skeletons. Could he have died was that voice I heard when I first got here a dream,an illusion am I going to die here?

    I don't think I care anymore. About the life here or about mine. It was getting colder so I killed some "cows" and even as I made hats and had the blood dampened fur in my backpack I felt nothing. Do I lack compassion, am I souless? This place didn't to me I will find the "guy" or "thing" responisble and I will kill him he ruined my life. He made me a monster! I had goals,ambitiions, A FAMILY! and he TOOK THEM ALL AWAY! I'M A MONSTER I'M A MONSTER I'm a monster I"m a...monster.

    Things are getting harder the monsters now seek me out. This place is magical a cyclops tried to kill me and a walrus family; the family was kinda funny though till he shot me. Well the proud father is now  missing a tooth and the "son"(?) a father. hehe this world thinks it can kill me not anymore. I WILL GET OUT OF HERE!

     

     

    1. Show previous comments  9 more
    2. DragonMage156

      DragonMage156

      Well I mean yeah. It isn't as long as the status update makes it look and I do like a good short DS themed story.

      I'm also gonna tag @minespatch cos reasons. He might have some useful tips up his sleeve. Either that or he can just enjoy the story :)

    3. minespatch

      minespatch

      Wise move making this a status before putting it to thread like I have:

      http://forums.kleientertainment.com/profile/848109-minespatch/?status=24173&type=status

      Also wise to do paragraph breaks instead of walls of text. Makes the flow easier for the reader. I say hold back and let @Arlesienne or another editor of your choice take a look at your first draft and then do a second draft to see how people will recieve it and then the final draft should be able to be put to thread.

    4. Nimra

      Nimra

      This looks really good as the other's say check, check and check again. Having somebody else look at your work is a good idea, as for the person writing things can blend in to one. they may also be able to tell you a better way of saying something. having a chat with another is a good way of getting an idea rolling if you get stuck.