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ScienceMachine    999

Welcome

      I'll keep this short: Ever since I actually dipped my toes back into the fandom, my head was brimming with new ideas, especially now with the added experience since I've left a few years ago. This thread will be something of a parody, a dedication to the man that had revitalized my love of writing, and kept me sane in a weak moment in my life. That man of course is none other than the late Sir Terry Pratchett, beloved author of the equally beloved and cherished Discworld series.
      Hopefully, with any luck, I'll try to give whatever drabbles I write here the same level of wit and creativity as Sir Pratchett had with his writings. With any luck, he may brandish that sword he so wanted when he was knighted by the queen.

      What I'll be writing here is a series of whatever that comes to my head, hopefully forming any sort of coherence. Inspired by both Pratchett's writing and the curious world of Don't Starve, I'll try my hand at combining the two together into something new and exciting to read.

      Please, enjoy.

      The time between updates will be sporadic and will be based entirely on whatever I can think of at the time. In hopes of not spending weeks just brainstorming the perfect story, I will try to write and edit on the fly, and with any luck, produce anything at all that resembles a good read.

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ScienceMachine    999

Givings Night
CHP1 Part 1

Credits towards
@minespatch
for unintentionally
inspiring me this story.

Giving Night.png

      The Islands had always been a strange place, a world located solely in the pockets in the other pair of trousers of that of a unknown God, and subsequently forgotten in the wardrobe.

      They, as They have been ostentatiously calling Themselves have instead kept watch over this mysterious world through the means of a puppet-monarch.1 But, it wasn't until a unsuspecting human had caused such a ruckus on one of the Islands that things began to turn sour for Them. The human has since disappeared into obscurity, but their mark burned deep into the Island's growth and history.
      Let's call this particular parcel Pork-Moore, twin-cities.

      Pork-Moore was something to be desired, a mess that seemed less like a city and more like pig-leftovers after a hearty vegetarian meal, and crime were the flies that surrounded it. It is often said that Pork-Moore was at its best when its marginally dysfunctional, mostly because it wasn't functional at all most of the time. Crime had skyrocketed around the start of Winter, given the farms' nonfunctioning state and food shortages was inevitable.
      The hideous amount of crime then caused an immediate infestation of Krampii, some actively fighting the crime and others joining it by mistake.2 Among the Krampii horde was a singular Krampus, whistling away in the moon-lit night.

      A blessed night this was, he thought, a massive sack jingled over his shoulder. Stopping on empty the sidewalk, he inspected his list of Naughty People and found himself his next target. Enjoyment out of the job isn't something that was needed, but it was definitely encouraged, and Kranky had been reading up on this month's edition of Tumblers Monthly. He climbed the steps to the home sandwiched between other homes in a row, a strange but effective concept he thought, and began picking at the lock. I'll show those old goats this new fangled lock-picking techy-mah-no-low-gee is something to invest in. A press here, a bit of pressure there, wiggle this one around and tuuuuurn- the lock clicks, he gave himself a congratulatory hiss.
      He was about to enter, but a shrill whistle and a rattle bounced off the icy walls of the street. "Stop right there, criminal scum!"

1. Mostly for their own entertainment, really.
2. Breaking and entering isn't exactly legal.

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minespatch    67,800
12 hours ago, ScienceMachine said:

The time between updates will be sporadic and will be based entirely on whatever I can think of at the time. In hopes of not spending weeks just brainstorming the perfect story, I will try to write and edit on the fly, and with any luck, produce anything at all that resembles a good read.

That's the best way to work things out. Writing notes and in-the-minute prompts will definitely help you brainstorm.

11 hours ago, ScienceMachine said:

Credits towards
@minespatch
for unintentionally
inspiring me this story.

EeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeyyyyAriel eeeyyyy 1_0 .png

11 hours ago, ScienceMachine said:

   The Islands had always been a strange place, a world located solely in the pockets in the other pair of trousers of that of a unknown God, and subsequently forgotten in the wardrobe.

      They, as They have been ostentatiously calling Themselves have instead kept watch over this mysterious world through the means of a puppet-monarch.1 But, it wasn't until a unsuspecting human had caused such a ruckus on one of the Islands that things began to turn sour for Them. The human has since disappeared into obscurity, but their mark burned deep into the Island's growth and history.
      Let's call this particular parcel Pork-Moore, twin-cities.

Great introduction. Especially on explaining the puppeteers.

11 hours ago, ScienceMachine said:

Giving Night.png
      The hideous amount of crime then caused an immediate infestation of Krampii, some actively fighting the crime and others joining it by mistake.2 Among the Krampii horde was a singular Krampus, whistling away in the moon-lit night.

      A blessed night this was, he thought, a massive sack jingled over his shoulder. Stopping on empty the sidewalk, he inspected his list of Naughty People and found himself his next target. Enjoyment out of the job isn't something that was needed, but it was definitely encouraged, and Kranky had been reading up on this month's edition of Tumblers Monthly. He climbed the steps to the home sandwiched between other homes in a row, a strange but effective concept he thought, and began picking at the lock. I'll show those old goats this new fangled lock-picking techy-mah-no-low-gee is something to invest in. A press here, a bit of pressure there, wiggle this one around and tuuuuurn- the lock clicks, he gave himself a congratulatory hiss.
      He was about to enter, but a shrill whistle and a rattle bounced off the icy walls of the street. "Stop right there, criminal scum!"

Ahhh, so you're making them kind of like police officers in a way. Interesting insight.

11 hours ago, ScienceMachine said:

but it was definitely encouraged, and Kranky had been reading up on this month's edition of Tumblers Monthly.

Kek.ariel ID face.png

11 hours ago, ScienceMachine said:

1. Mostly for their own entertainment, really.
2. Breaking and entering isn't exactly legal.

Suddenly getting backflashes to my reading of the Samuel Johnson trilogy.

 

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Arlesienne    8,985

As promised, I am here with my reviewing stick!

First of all, it's always a pleasure for me to see an artist normally devoting themselves to visual arts tackle the letters. Those two genres are wildly disparate, but the dialogue between them is something extraordinary. From this short piece, I can tell you read much. And this is something that cannot be undervalued. It shows clearly: while your writing cannot be mistaken for Sir Terry's - nobody can match Sir Terry :) - it is quite fetching, the inspiration is visible and it compliments the sketch (which I adore) nicely. You skilfully used the system of addendums - I think they're among my favourite bits. The Krampii as the police is a lovely touch, finely meshing with my headcanon (side-note: I always wonder what sort of seedy life those hapless bunnies and crows lead to literally get the sack when a Krampus doesn't target a player). Kranky not only has an adorable name - he (for this is the gender you chose for him) triggers all the fuzzy triggerbands ol' Arles has. Like whistling. It reminds me of the central European, particularly Silesian and German, concept of Dyl Sowizdrzał/Till Eulenspiegel. He has a delightful name. The self-amused thoughts alone are something enjoyable. You managed to imbue him with quite a bit of life - feel proud of yourself.

What I didn't quite get was how he completely didn't wonder about the consequences of finding his name on the list. Maybe it's me not liking the concept of predestination, not sure. I'd love to hear your thoughts about the reason why he didn't react.

The way you introduced THEM was quite skilful. Thoroughly enjoyable too. I believe Sir Terry would have smiled reading it. I keep getting strong Auditor vibes from THEM in the game. Here, they are just as strong. And the comment about their puppet-monarch is very good. Pork-Moore cracked me up. It has nice descriptions of itself, its problems and the Krampii.

There were a few hiccups dealing with grammar and punctuation, but honestly, I write them off as the joys of formatting here. Listing them below in the corrected versions for your convenience since you will probably want to update the post.

On 24.09.2016 at 4:09 PM, ScienceMachine said:

The Islands had always been a strange place, a world located solely in the pockets in the other pair of trousers of that of an unknown God, and subsequently forgotten in the wardrobe.

As "unknown" follows, the missing "n" is needed.

On 24.09.2016 at 4:09 PM, ScienceMachine said:

They, as They have been ostentatiously calling Themselves, have instead kept watch over this mysterious world through the means of a puppet-monarch.

To complete the sentence graph:

_They_                                                                                          _have instead kept watch over this mysterious world (...)_

            | as They have been ostentaciously calling Themselves |

The second comma isn't completely obligatory per the lower norm, but it works much better.

On 24.09.2016 at 4:09 PM, ScienceMachine said:

 Pork-Moore was something to be desired, a mess that seemed less like a city and more like pig-leftovers after a hearty vegetarian meal, and crime - the flies that surrounded it.

You can either have a hyphen here (because it references crime) or "was". Your choice. I'd go with the first option to preserve the flow.

On 24.09.2016 at 4:09 PM, ScienceMachine said:

It is often said that Pork-Moore was at its best when it's marginally dysfunctional, mostly because it wasn't functional at all most of the time.

You missed the apostrophe here, a typical formatting woe. Put it back into its proper place. You could also have "it was".

On 24.09.2016 at 4:09 PM, ScienceMachine said:

Crime had skyrocketed around the start of Winter, given the farms' nonfunctioning state, and food shortages were inevitable.

The last part references food shortages, so we go with plural, and the second comma is like in the example a few lines above.

On 24.09.2016 at 4:09 PM, ScienceMachine said:

Enjoyment out of the job wasn't something that was needed, but it was definitely encouraged, and Kranky had been reading up on this month's edition of Tumblers Monthly.

Consistency of tenses. You used the past tenses anywhere else, so I stuck with this decision.

On 24.09.2016 at 4:09 PM, ScienceMachine said:

A press here, a bit of pressure there, wiggle this one around and tuuuuurn- the lock clicked! He gave himself a congratulatory hiss.

As above, plus splitting the single sentence into two since shorter sentences fit Kranky better judging by the rest.

I am tuned for more! I'd, for one, enjoy reading a blurb to go with your picture of William waking up, the one with "Chapter One: Awake" written on it. Regards!

Edited by Arlesienne
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ScienceMachine    999

      Whoa boy, that's a lot to get through. Right, praises aside, thank you for enjoying my writing as much as you have~ I don't think it'd be a stretch to say that Terry Pratchett really brought life back into my writing ability. I was in a rough time in my life and I heard a lot of good things about the Discworld, so during a bi-monthly expedition to a mall, I stumbled on "Guards! Guards!" (or was it Pyramids, I can't remember) at the local bookstore. With nothing else to do, I bought it and opened my eyes something new.

And now to the rest.

3 hours ago, Arlesienne said:

What I didn't quite get was how he completely didn't wonder about the consequences of finding his name on the list. Maybe it's me not liking the concept of predestination, not sure. I'd love to hear your thoughts about the reason why he didn't react.

      I suppose that now that there's law in place, the Lists have been acting up lately. Before Pork-Moore, there wasn't much of in the ways of laws to begin with, so the Lists merely worked off how Naughty you've been to the system they had.
      Then Pork-Moore had laws, which interfered with the List's systems. Plus, the whole Krampii organization is now in a full upset, Krampii left and right not really sure what's going on anymore.

3 hours ago, Arlesienne said:

The way you introduced THEM was quite skillful. Thoroughly enjoyable too. I believe Sir Terry would have smiled reading it. I keep getting strong Auditor vibes from THEM in the game. Here, they are just as strong. And the comment about their puppet-monarch is very good. Pork-Moore cracked me up. It has nice descriptions of itself, its problems and the Krampii.

See, that's the idea I presented @minespatch, I work best when there's an extra ear for me to yell ideas into. I think Pork Moore is definitely a better sounding name and a much better hidden reference to Ankh-Morpork (The working name was Pork-Morankh, which was not as clever.)

I'll try to get through the slew of corrections and the like, but I would like to remind you that these blurbs are written on the fly without too much thought. Think of the as Draft 0. I've been told that writing has hideous amounts of drafts that we never get to see, and is why making a book takes such a long time.

Now that I've written in this thread, I'll be sure to write a bit on William and his "series". No points guessing who the human was at the founding of Pork-Moore.

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Arlesienne    8,985
16 hours ago, ScienceMachine said:

      I suppose that now that there's law in place, the Lists have been acting up lately. Before Pork-Moore, there wasn't much of in the ways of laws to begin with, so the Lists merely worked off how Naughty you've been to the system they had.
      Then Pork-Moore had laws, which interfered with the List's systems. Plus, the whole Krampii organization is now in a full upset, Krampii left and right not really sure what's going on anymore.

Very nice, I like the concept. Quite like in real life - and as fantasy has to be based on it, you're off to a great start :).

16 hours ago, ScienceMachine said:

I work best when there's an extra ear for me to yell ideas into.

I hear you :D. If you need another person to brainstorm with, my ears are clean and ready.

16 hours ago, ScienceMachine said:

I think Pork Moore is definitely a better sounding name and a much better hidden reference to Ankh-Morpork (The working name was Pork-Morankh, which was not as clever.)

Maybe Pork Moorland if it's on the moors? Could work too, and phonetically it's a close call (put the "mor-" from Morpork in front of a reworked "ankh"). Just thinking out loud.

16 hours ago, ScienceMachine said:

I'll try to get through the slew of corrections and the like, but I would like to remind you that these blurbs are written on the fly without too much thought.

No need to fear. I can tell it's on the fly from your first explanatory post and that's fine. You can get proofreading services for free and choose if you want to edit at some point or leave your ficlets as they are on the moment of posting. Initially thought comes in later, after you're reviewing your work. And it's always better to have another give it a look. Easier and you save time.

17 hours ago, ScienceMachine said:

I've been told that writing has hideous amounts of drafts that we never get to see, and is why making a book takes such a long time.

Boy, you should see my desk and SSDs... Can you imagine what it takes to write a new conlag? And for my partner's collaboration, we need at least two in full...

16 hours ago, ScienceMachine said:

Now that I've written in this thread, I'll be sure to write a bit on William and his "series". No points guessing who the human was at the founding of Pork-Moore.

I swear the town was inspired by that pig revolution pic you posted.

I'm also tuned for seeing more forum buddies requiring medical checkups after interacting with William.

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minespatch    67,800
4 hours ago, Arlesienne said:

I'm also tuned for seeing more forum buddies requiring medical checkups after interacting with William.

President @nome-care?

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ScienceMachine    999

Time for some William action!
Let's start from the beginning
...

Spoiler

            It was cold, it was quiet.

Where am I?
            How did I get here?
            Who am I?

It started to get a bit warmer. Voices buzzed like angry bees in his head. Will? They said, or at least that’s what he thinks they said. Will, they repeated. Will? They asked, they called, they referred. Different voices all at different times.
            Then they got angrier. More emotion, sadness, anger, frustration, despair. My head, it’s burning. They all screamed, shouted, Will! Will! Will! It all blended together into a cacophony of screeching, and even then it didn’t hurt as bad as the pure emotion that pulsated through the white noise.
            A hand reached out and grabbed his and pulled him onto his feet, his gaze met with that of a large sinister smile with perfectly white pearls, a grin outlined with darkened lips, lips that you couldn’t help but notice. He tried to speak, his mouth opened in horror but a dark muck seeped out instead. The grip was petrified, he couldn’t let go, he couldn’t breathe and yet he wasn’t suffocating. The body has no recourse but to cripple itself in fear.
            He struggled on the cracked glowing floor, coughing up thick black sludge from his orifices, his hand still in the other’s and he looked up.
            “William Carter?”

He woke up gasping, a raging fire in his mind extinguished by the cool chill mountain air and breathed in the open space. Hard blinking, he adjusted his glasses but both his hands were propping himself up. He looked ahead and saw a wooden sign; “Mind over Matter,” He read aloud. “William Carter,” he repeated to no one in particular. “That’s my name, isn’t it?” It had to be, that’s all he remembers.
            William got up from the patch of dirt he was on, looking back, it was outlined with crafted wood buried in the ground. A coffin? No, a grave. That’s just morbid.

            Say, pal, The sound William made was not unlike screaming, he swung his arms wildly behind him and fell on his rump.

You don’t look so good. What a hideously smooth and deep voice, a stage actor? He looked up and saw tall, slender man with wicked looking shoulders growing out from his pinstripe suit. He watched as the unmistakably British man took a deep breath from his cigar and blew a ghastly smoke through his nostrils.

Better find something to eat before it gets dark. And with a blinding puff of smoke, the man disappears. “Maxwell, that was his name, was it?” He squinted at himself again. He looks like a Maxwell. If I had to give someone like that a name, it had to be Maxwell. “Sounds fake,” he said to himself, climbing to his feet again. Well, it’s not like I have much of a choice.
            William looked around the place, a wide field with a forest beyond. And began looking for sticks and flint.

Edited by ScienceMachine
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minespatch    67,800

I'm rather shocked, how did you manage to get the fonts like that? I'm impressed, there's a lot of character in the writing.

 

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ScienceMachine    999
13 minutes ago, minespatch said:

I'm rather shocked, how did you manage to get the fonts like that? I'm impressed, there's a lot of character in the writing.

I did the editing in Words and the pasted it on the site. :v

And really? I guess there's plenty of character, but I felt it was a bit under par personally. *Shrug* The more you learn.

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minespatch    67,800

Especially in the dull and bold Maxwell font. You can tell he's possessed despite what William says.

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Arlesienne    8,985
20 hours ago, ScienceMachine said:

I did the editing in Words and the pasted it on the site. :v

And really? I guess there's plenty of character, but I felt it was a bit under par personally. *Shrug* The more you learn.

It has a lot of potential. I veritably adore the entrée with THEIR voices. Wouldn't change a thing. I bit when it comes to Will rousing, maaaybe, but still don't think so. Loved to see the Post-Modernist formatting.

Voices like this one? Stephen Russell, Jon Curry, Gerard Butler. Would have said Charles Daniels, but I can't picture Mr Daniels using his voice to torment like Maxwell here.

Go give us more goodies, you have this Olympic spark; believe me. I know what I'm saying.

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