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geni0529    2,036

hey there  im doing this to try and improve my spelling and grammar criticize is ok just not very harsh

 

Chapter 1

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I wake up to blue sky's where am I ? this is not my room, am I dead? she tried to sit up and pain pierced her head. Then a man appeared before her in a puff of gray smoke "say pall you don't look too good " he said with a smirk " better find some food before night comes " . she stood up and had her mouth open to bombard the man with question's but before she could he disappeared just how he had came. She stood up and walked around, am I alone here? the question lingered in her head . at least I have Abigail with me . she picked some berry's and collected some flint , then the sun started to set she sat down trying to make a fire but it was hope less she needed logs which she was not strong enough to get . she braced herself  to go into the darkness,at least there's not any monsters .then a screech sounded in the distance , what the but monsters don't exist!

she ran as fast as she could then there was a fire if she could just make it ! the monster latched onto her arm , it was limy and cold she did not like the feeling of it on her arm so she tugged it off and screamed " help !!!!!! "

" ill go check it out " one voice said , the other said" ok hares a torch ". as the light got closer she saw a man with a torch in hand . the monster hissed and let go of her she collapsed and the man asked " Are you ok?" 

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MenaAthena    10,300

I drew a picture for you! You get to practice writing; I get to practice drawing. It's a win win! :-)

post-421529-0-18547800-1407366943_thumb.

I'm going to assume the person who came to check on Wendy was Wilson. If I'm wrong the picture is going to be off, sorry.

It's good so far, but a problem I have is the pacing. Wendy wakes up in the beginning of the day, and then BOOM it's night. I hope I'm explaining this well. 

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geni0529    2,036

correct great drawing! hmmmmm well she was picking berrys and flint for a while,

Edited by geni0529

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geni0529    2,036

ok time for chapter two I have a short attention span so yeah its gonna be a bit short.

 

Chapter 2

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Wendy wakes up in a camp with grass stacked underneath her. " huh... where am I? " she asks . a girl some years older than her comes up and says " your in our camp, what part of the world where in is beyond mister buttfaces explanation . Wendy stood up and looked around , the camp had logs for sitting around the campfire, there were in a woodland area with a rocky plain near the camp . there was a drying rack with a piece of meat hanging on it , and two chest that were labeled recourses and food with berry juice. the man who had saved her walked up and asked " hi im Wilson this is willow" points to the girl and continues " what's your? " " im Wendy "  she said quietly "Wendy that's a wonderful name  " he said " would you like to stay in our camp Wendy?" " yes please!" she yelped " great" he replied " and according to willow" shots a glare at willow " im mister buttface." Wendy giggled and asked " do you know what that thing was that was chasing me?" willow answered " no we don't but it stays away from the fire " " im going to call it the grue!" she said " my mom always told us stories about the monster in the dark under our bed and we called it the grue." " well then " Wilson said standing up " we should go get some resources so the grue doesn't eat us "

" ill get flint and berry's with Wendy and you go get wood" willow said . " That's fine by me " replied Wilson. he got up and grabbed the ax and headed towards the trees. Wendy got up and grabbed a basked that willow had made and set of towards the rocks to get flint. willow trailed behind her mumbling that she rather burn everything. suddenly wendy stopped and froze in midstep . she looked up to see a tall one eyed bird glaring at them.

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tall bird alert! uh oh whats gonna happen!...... I cant fix the tiny letters sorry and oops . next time will have no tiny letters

 

Edited by geni0529

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geni0529    2,036

Chapter 3

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" WILSON HELP!!!!! " willow was in the birds claws screaming at the top of her lungs, I was hitting the bird with a stick. can Wilson even hear us? she thought . Then a yell was heard a girl with wavy blonde hair had a spear in her hand she ran up and cut the tall birds leg. Wilson came with a ax and chopped the tallbird , while the girl drove the spear through the tall birds insides. The tallbird screeched and collapsed. I ran up and freed her from the claws of the tallbird. " Wilson we were afraid you wouldn't hear us " said Wendy . Wilson replied saying" I didn't hear you but she did" Wilson pointed at the girl with wavy blonde hair  " hello, Im Genevieve , nice to meet you. " " im willow and this Is Wendy " said willow . Sasha nodded and grabbed her spear out of the tallbirds gut and blood. " well im going to go collect some tallbird eggs Wilson already told where your camp is if I want to stay with you"

 

 

 

sorry its short its morning time , you will get another soon today to make up for the short ness

 

Edited by geni0529

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MenaAthena    10,300

Sorry it took so long. I hope she looks like how you picture her.




  Edited by MenaAthena

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geni0529    2,036

chapter 4

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Genevieve sat down and started eating some pork. " hey willow you got a nasty scratch there. ..... we need something to fix that jeez it might get infected. " said Genevieve . Wilson glanced at willow and nodded " spider glands .... but we don't have any right now" said Wilson. " well there's a spider nest a bit west from here but its big and we would probably need help. do you know of any pig villages? "  Genevieve nodded and pointed north , " the pig king is there too" said Genevieve " if we want to get there soon we should head of at dawn." Wilson nodded and cooked some carrots. he handed out jerky and carrots and they ate silently. when it was dawn Genevieve filled a bag with meat Wilson grabbed the spears and they headed down the path to the pig village. they walked north barely talking. finally after several hours of pure awkwardness they got there. there was seven shacks and pig mingled around talking. She started handing out meat to all the pigs, they ate it up and said " I follow friend" . when they had got all of them they headed off to the spider nest.

 

Edited by geni0529

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geni0529    2,036

I SHALL NEVER DIE FOR I AM GENI0529

chapter5

 

Wilson and Genevieve headed down the road with the pigman muttering things like " me like food, me follow" and annoying things like that. they trudged on and on stopping every once and a while to eat jerky until they reached the spiders nest. the ground there was laced with webs of the spiders, in the middle there was a large circular nest it stood about 13 feet tall and was about 3 feet wide. she guessed it would hold about 20 spider maybe more. Wilson was right it was big. " why did we leave willow behind exactly???" she asked, Wilson responded with a chuckle " she would have burnt down the pig village , plus we couldn't leave little Wendy alone could we?". she nodded , looking at Wilson she could tell that he was scared even though he was lashing just by the way he twitched his hand , he was holding his breath a bit, but the eyes said it all , that he did not want to die in this world that he did not want to die that day. they marched in knowing even if they were silent there footsteps would send vibrations through the web and the spiders would be alerted anyway. the spider flooded out to the clearing, she had miscounted there was not 20, no much more than that there was more than 100 spiders, and there was four of them Wilson, Genevieve, and two pigmen. she rushed in dogging the spiders sharp talon like teeth. she sliced through two of the spiders they started to pile up, jumping on them  she sliced through more of them hoping to scare them off  . one ripped into her back she snatched it off of her and speared it through. they were no longer fighting for some spider glands , no in this place you fight to survive and for nothing else. she sweapped her gazed across the clearing Wilson was overwhelmed and the pigmen carcasses were being picked over by the spiders, blood rolled down her back ...... was she going to die tonight in this world with monsters and shadows???


 

Edited by geni0529

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