Battal Posted April 18, 2014 Author Share Posted April 18, 2014 It's Time for... Storytime with Battal A recording brought to you by the Eternity Inc. Children's Association *Sounds of various clanks and rustles as the children settle* "Sow, Mishter Batty, what arwe you gonna wead for us today?" *Assorted children chatter* "Well, uh, it seems today I'll be reading...'Winnie and the Cave Spider'." "Oh, boy, I weally like that one!" *More assorted children chatter* "Alright, now quiet down. Ahem, ahem...Once upon the time, there was a young sheepherder named Winnie. One day, her herd of little sheepie - Wait, did I just say that??!?! - Uh, herd of sheeps went missing. So, she decided to go into the deep, dark cave that was near her house." "Now, the cave was populated by big, scary monsters. These monsters were really big and scary. In fact, they were so big and scary, they were big and scary! That's some of the worst storywriting I've ever seen... Erm, excuse me. Now, Winnie was frightened, but she loved her herd of sheeps so much that she starting to ask some of the big, scary monsters for help." "Have you seen my sheepies?" Winnie asked the big, scary bunnyman. "Boing, boing, boing!" The bunnyman replied. Winnie continued to ask around. "Have you seen my sheepies?" She asked the big, scary rock lobster. "Flurgleblurgleblurg." The rock lobster said. It then ate a precious gold chunk that Winnie could have easily bought a new herd of sheep with. Well that's horrible. "Have you seen my sheepies?" Winnie asked the - You know what, let's throw some action into this. Ahem! "Have you seen my sheepies?" Winnie asked the Depths Worm. The Depths Worm dragged her underground and ate her, her ruined corpse left to slowly digest among the remnants -" "EEEEEEEWWWWWWWWWWWW!" *The children all make sounds of disgust* "What, you don't - you don't like that? Okay, fine, be that way. I'll read the actual story. "Have you seen my sheepies?" Winnie asked the Depths Worm. The Depths Worm shook its head, then dived underground. After Winnie had asked all the big, scary monsters, she realized that none of them knew where the sheepies were! So, she went to the only other creatures - the Cave Spiders! They were really mean and scary. But Winnie really wanted those sheep, so she walked up the them and asked, "Have you seen my sheepies?" "no." The cave spiders said. "But now that you're here, we mighteswell go ahead and..." *Battal pretends to pause for dramatic effect, but actually reads through the rest of the story. His eyes widen in horror.* "...SCARE YOU!" the spider said. "Oh, no!" Winnie replied. "Can't we just be friends?" "no." The cave spiders replied. They converged on her like a swarm of piranha, biting chunks out of her flesh. Ignoring her screams of terror, the spiders ate her eyeballs and then crawled into her face, tearing her apart from the inside out. Within seconds, Winnie was skeletonized." *The children scream in terror, some throwing up all over the floor. Battal throws the book over his shoulder and leaves, grinning diabolically as he does so.* This has been... Storytime with Battal Tune in next time for some more story-reading fun! Winnie and all others characters are property of Klei Entertainment. All rights reserved. see store for details. 5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Percival Posted April 18, 2014 Share Posted April 18, 2014 BWAHAHAHAHAAA Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Parrotoss Posted April 18, 2014 Share Posted April 18, 2014 The story is a bit bland. I recommend pictures. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Spinorex Posted April 18, 2014 Share Posted April 18, 2014 The story is a bit bland. I recommend pictures.I don't think you can put pictures to this. It would just be too much.Also is this somehow going to magickally connect to the main plot line? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KidneyBeanBoy Posted April 18, 2014 Share Posted April 18, 2014 I don't think you can put pictures to this. It would just be too much.Also is this somehow going to magickally connect to the main plot line?Yes. Winnieber. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Crapplejacks Posted April 18, 2014 Share Posted April 18, 2014 I am Crapplejacks, the man with awesome hair. With me I bring my trenchcoat of truth, and weather does not affect me as much as others. However, sanity and temper being low, I tend to initiate fights I shouldn't get in in the first place. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Crapplejacks Posted April 18, 2014 Share Posted April 18, 2014 Dat story... But Winnie deserved it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Battal Posted April 18, 2014 Author Share Posted April 18, 2014 The story is a bit bland. I recommend pictures. 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Parrotoss Posted April 18, 2014 Share Posted April 18, 2014 ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.pngYes, perfect! Now isn't that better? ^.^ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Crapplejacks Posted April 18, 2014 Share Posted April 18, 2014 ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.png Screw Van Gogh, this art is the true art that I have been looking for. I thank you Batal for enabling me to find myself. I am at peace. Ahhhhhhm...... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Spinorex Posted April 18, 2014 Share Posted April 18, 2014 I'll just leave this here for a person who is responsible for writing things. No reason. Not that I'm bored and want to read or be a part of a story. Just that this is said to (possibly) "cure" "writer's block" as they call it. Just saying. Pssst, Battal! This is a bribe! TAKE IT. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Strangerdanger101 Posted April 18, 2014 Share Posted April 18, 2014 Great, now mini-(W)Xjurwi's are going to kill us all. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Percival Posted April 18, 2014 Share Posted April 18, 2014 The story is a bit bland. I recommend pictures. Your request is my command. I don't think Lord_Battal would approve of my drawings, though. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Battal Posted April 18, 2014 Author Share Posted April 18, 2014 (edited) Deleted because of too much risk. Edited April 18, 2014 by Lord_Battal Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Percival Posted April 18, 2014 Share Posted April 18, 2014 Deleted because of too much risk. INTERESTING. WHAT DID YOU SAY? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Willette Posted April 18, 2014 Share Posted April 18, 2014 That was an AMAZING children's story. Too bad i didn't have one like this in my childhood... i liked that part 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ARamblingSpider Posted April 18, 2014 Share Posted April 18, 2014 ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.pngNSFW That man. There are children here. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TRENTOMINOUS Posted April 18, 2014 Share Posted April 18, 2014 NSFW That man. THINK OF THE CHILDREN!FTFY Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Battal Posted April 18, 2014 Author Share Posted April 18, 2014 That was an AMAZING children's story. Too bad i didn't have one like this in my childhood... i liked that part This is the best work of art ever hands down. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Battal Posted April 19, 2014 Author Share Posted April 19, 2014 Segment 17 "On the Road Again" Willette was blown clear off the log from the gunblast, her body landing with a muffled thump some three feet away. A person busrt from the woods, dressed in a black jacket and a belt full of various equipment. A dark grey backpack was slung over his shoulder, and he held a stange-looking gun in one hand. The other grasped a mysterious device, which beeped as he pointed it at each member of the group. "Are there any more?" He asked, gesturing towards Willette, but was interrupted by a firework rocketing over his head. Blewcheese unloaded his launcher at the man, who managed to dodge each blast with finesse unexpected of someone with a backpack full of stuff. The rest of the group ducked undercover; Battal still too injured to fight again, and a sentient honey ham and a tentacled potato wouldn't be much good in this kind of fight. "Jesus! Calm down! I'm trying to help!" The man shouted at Blew, who was still being trigger-happy with his rocket launcher. The woods beyond the camp exploded with color, lighting far back into the darkness. "Then explain why you shot our friend!" Blew said, just as he got off a lucky shot. The man's chest exploded with red as the rocket struck him full on in the torso. The vibrant crimson color sparkled with a crackling sound as he flew backwards into a tree. "Who are you?" Blewcheese asked, shouldering his launcher. The man coughed, still recovering from the blast. "My name is @Will - " He managed, before Willette plowed him down like a lawnmower over grass. It took a few minutes for everyone to calm down, to keep Willette from killing Will, to figure out the bullet had only caused a flesh wound, that his sensor had marked Willette as a shade, and therefore a hostile. After she had been given medical attention, the wound wrapped in a honey poultice from Will's pack, the group left to their tents for a well-deserved rest. Will stayed outside, to tend to the fire and chat with his "other friends". Dawn rose over the forest, its bright light awakening the group for another day. Today, however, would be different. The mundane resource-collecting jobs had been cast off as a thing of the past; for they had a journey to make. Battal stepped out of his tent, and immediately set to gathering everything he could carry. Will was kind enough to provide him with a real sword, though quite a short one. A shame. Battal thought. I can't cut out people's hearts through their skull with this. But, it would have to do. One by one, the other members of the party awoke. They too grabbed their meager belongings, storing them in makeshift packs and other containers. Within the hour, the sun still low in the sky, they set off, Battal leading the way with the map. The party traversed the forest they had made their home in, shoving through the tough brush as best they could. Crossing a small stream, then entered a stony field. The winds were strong here, blowing chunks of rock dust into their eyes and faces. They took what shelter they could behind the boulders dotting the landscape, being sure to watch for Tallbirds and the like. The miserable plain was soon behind them, passing into a calm, pretty grassland. A looming mountain range rose before them, massive and foreboding, snow-smothered peaks expressing their height. Coming across ad old cobblestone road, the group pressed forth, the way becoming easier and faster. Despite this, they despaired, for it slowly became clear that these mountains were directly in the way of their travels. Like a wall, risen straight out of the ground for the sole purpose of inconveniencing them. An inconvenience which, in this case, could be deadly. The road continued onwards, the dreaded peaks growing closer and closer until they encompassed their vision. After almost twelve hours of walking, Battal suddenly stopped. "We rest here for the night." He said, pointing to a clear, flat spot near the road. "The sun is getting low. We'll need a fire." The group set up a small camp, building a campfire and a couple bedrolls. They ate a few of their provisions, cooking a couple bits of food they had picked up on their journey. Soon after, dusk fell, and they fell asleep, unaware of the trap they were walking right into. 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Will Posted April 19, 2014 Share Posted April 19, 2014 I am very much liking this. I always do say, take all the **** you can. Because stuff is nice. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ARamblingSpider Posted April 19, 2014 Share Posted April 19, 2014 So...My only cameo is eating someone. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Battal Posted April 19, 2014 Author Share Posted April 19, 2014 That's what cave spiders do. They say no and eat people. What more do you want. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Spinorex Posted April 19, 2014 Share Posted April 19, 2014 (edited) So...My only cameo is eating someone.May I shamelessly redirect you to my art thread which only becomes active once every 1000 years on a blue moon? http://forums.kleientertainment.com/topic/31408-spinorexs-art-thread-of-the-most-original-title/page-2 Post number 26, I might add. Edited April 19, 2014 by Spinorex Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ARamblingSpider Posted April 19, 2014 Share Posted April 19, 2014 That's what cave spiders do. They say no and eat people. What more do you want.That is insulting and degrading to the cave spider community. For shame on you Battal. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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