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GloryKAT and some other people Review


gloryKAT

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This is so random, but after I criticized Jeff the Killer, I've decided to review creepypastas and other things. :p

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Creepypasta Review:

"Blockland Evil Jelly"

The scariest thing happened to me today. It was in a game called Blockland. Now, some of you may have heard of this game, and I have been playing it for a few years.
However, things changed ever since today.

I was walking along inside of a server on Blockland with other people (It was a freebuild server), and surprise surprise, there was a green button right in front of my face as I was standing on an orange baseplate.
I clicked the green button and something freaky happened.

I went into third-person mode by pressing Tab, and I realized that I looked like a dragon! I also had 2 new items in my inventory: fireball and firebreath.
I could not believe what I was seeing with my eyes.
I pressed space a lot and I could, surprisingly, fly like a dragon! I then flew to a drawer with 2 open sides. Then, something caught my eye.

It was squiggly jelly.

It looked red and juicy. I immediately flew up to it, embraced it, and then clicked the jelly.
The jelly disappeared into my mouth and I got a message on my screen:

"you ate the evil jelly you will die soon"

I got freaked out. I started flying away from the jelly and tried to find water, but eventually it was too late.
I went into a dead position, fell to the ground, and disappeared. The evil message was on my screen: "Click to respawn."

I clicked, and something even freakier happened...

I heard a noise, and then all the bricks suddenly disappeared in a flash, except for two things with baseplates.
The jello and the dragon button.
I immediately left and then my computer exploded. This is a brand new computer.
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First, the entire creepypasta is awful. I'm pretty sure this entire thing was made as a joke because of how terrible it is.

"The scariest thing happened to me today. It was in a game called Blockland. Now, some of you may have heard of this game, and I have been playing it for a few years. However, things changed ever since today."
Not much is wrong here. It's a pretty standard start, and there's no real grammar or spelling mistakes. The line 'However, things changed ever since today' could foreshadow a 'creepy' plot, which, believe me, does not exist here.

 

"I was walking along inside of a server on Blockland with other people (It was a freebuild server), and surprise surprise, there was a green button right in front of my face as I was standing on an orange baseplate. I clicked the green button and something freaky happened."
Here's where it begins to take a slight turn for the worst. If they've been playing the game for a few years, wouldn't they already know about eventing and and the ChangeDatablock command? I've played Blockland before, and if you played it 'for a few years', I am 99.9% sure that you would at least know something about events.

 

"I went into third-person mode by pressing Tab, and I realized that I looked like a dragon! I also had 2 new items in my inventory: fireball and firebreath. I could not believe what I was seeing with my eyes. I pressed space a lot and I could, surprisingly, fly like a dragon! I then flew to a drawer with 2 open sides. Then, something caught my eye."
The author just learned how to play the game for the second time! How amazing! Like I said before, if they knew anything about the game, they would know about eventing, ChangeDatablock, and the dragon morphs. They would also probably have downloaded a lot of content through Return to Blockland, among other things. They also said that something caught their eye, which, in a good creepypasta, could lead to some good plot development. Here, however, it just leads to more awful storytelling.

 

"It was squiggly jelly."
This is what it has been building up to?! JELLY?
WELL EVERYBODY YOU SHOULDN'T EAT JELLY WITHOUT ANOTHER TYPE OF SPREAD OR ELSE SOMETHING BAD WILL HAPPEN!!1!

 

"It looked red and juicy. I immediately flew up to it, embraced it, and then clicked the jelly. The jelly disappeared into my mouth and I got a message on my screen: "you ate the evil jelly you will die soon""
Oh, great, the host/builder can event! What a shocking development! It's simply a text event, and probably some death event too.

 

"I got freaked out. I started flying away from the jelly and tried to find water, but eventually it was too late. I went into a dead position, fell to the ground, and disappeared. The evil message was on my screen: "Click to respawn.""
Cool, you died in a video game. How did you get freaked out by a SCRIPTED, EVENTED LINE OF TEXT IN A VIDEO GAME THAT YOU HAVE APPARENTLY PLAYED FOR YEARS AND SHOULD KNOW ABOUT BY NOW? Why would you try to find water for your character? It's not real, and like it says at the end, you could just click to respawn. Oh, wait, he/she can't, because in the next line, something TERRIBLE HAPPENS. Also, 'evil message'? What?

"I clicked, and something even freakier happened..."
Oh no, something not scary is going to happen!

 

"I heard a noise, and then all the bricks suddenly disappeared in a flash, except for two things with baseplates. The jello and the dragon button. I immediately left and then my computer exploded. This is a brand new computer."
...What. What is this. WHAT IS THIS? Is this seriously the best they could do? The best ending they could come up with? This is comparable to A SKELETON POPPED OUT. This is an awful conclusion. They could have preserved the small bit of dignity they had left from writing this creepypasta. But no, they couldn't. They had to do this. 'and then my computer exploded. This is a brand new computer.' Nevermind the fact this is completely ridiculous, do you have thousands of dollars? First off, your computer blew up. Your house didn't catch fire, and it didn't burn down. You went out, casually, and bought a new one. No one heard anything from your house (i.e an explosion), no one came to investigate, no one could smell a fire, no one did ANYTHING?

 

So, to end off this review, this creepypasta is awful.

 

FINAL RATING

2/10

 

This thing needs to be severely improved. It can be compared to A SKELETON POPPED OUT, the writing makes no sense, he says he knows this game since he's played it before but he obviously knows nothing about it, along with tons of other things wrong with it. The beginning could've led up to something, but it fell short right away.

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Next, I'm probably reviewing Jeff the Killer, because it is awful. I'm going to justify my criticizing of it.

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That's the problem with some of these. (i.e. the one I just reviewed.) Some don't even try, and end up failing miserably. Jeff the Killer has the creepy image, but the creepypasta is awful. (13 year olds have weapons, they apparently mess up a party and everyone just stands around watching, not even bothering to intervene as everything goes wrong.)

By the way, the Jeff image is not a photoshop. It's from a film called Inland Empire.

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That's the problem with some of these. (i.e. the one I just reviewed.) Some don't even try, and end up failing miserably. Jeff the Killer has the creepy image, but the creepypasta is awful. (13 year olds have weapons, they apparently mess up a party and everyone just stands around watching, not even bothering to intervene as everything goes wrong.)

By the way, the Jeff image is not a photoshop. It's from a film called Inland Empire.

The problem is that while jump scares can be scary, you can get jumped scared by anything, a kitten, a puppy, anything can do it. Jump scares are what I call direct Horror, you have direct contact with them. Indirect horror is the opposite, this is when the horror like books who can't rely on direct horror use subtleness and mental contact to creep you out. Both direct and indirect need each other with the exception of books. It's what Creepypastas thrive on, giving you mental terror.

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That's why indirect horror is the way to go. Jumpscares are scary, sure, but that's only because of their shock value. Subtleness and mental contact are better then BOO BE SCARED. Most good creepypastas are good for that reason, not because they throw scares at you. That's why Slender is good. It's not throwing scares at you, it's being subtle.

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oops, triple posted. sorry.
 
BE WARNED WALL OF TEXT BELOW
this is what i'm reviewing next
 

 

It was an average july moring, the 23 at 8:24 in fact. I had just
gotten out of bed. Then i heard a knock on my door bell. It was my buddy ol' pal
Kyle. I noticed it was unussaly early for any of my buds to comeover. So i
answerd the door, it was my friend kyle. I noticed he looked awfuly tired today,
he was reaching out his hand that had a fox-like flash drive in it. Kyle said
nothing.... His face was like romani on Majora's mask if you did not succeed on
dostroying the alians, BARE AND DULL!!!... So I Just took the flash drive and
shut the door. Now in my room, I noticed something Percillyer. The fox-like
flash drive had sun glasses, as if someone, or should i say "something"... Drew
on the drive with a black sharpie marker when i was'nt looking. How it got there
you ask, I don't know to this very day. So i'm studying the FlashDrive and i
noticed there was the letters S.F.64. So I assumed there was a rom of Starefox
64 on it. And to my suprise when i plugged in There was... So as you all know,
i'm a big star fox fan, so i just had to play it. So i tunred it on, and when
the title screen came on, i noticed that fox's hand had blood dripping from his
hand. And the title was a little differant from my memory, it said "STARFOX
6664" I was flabbergasted by what i have saw... But i said to my self "hey it's
a glitch, happens all the time" So i pressed start. Immeditly i Saw General
Peppy telling telling me "FOX, IT'S A TRAP!!!" But as if it was speaking to me,
not fox. But i started the game anyhow. Then suddenly it started all on it's
own. I was speachless. the screen went black for approximently "24.2" seconds.
Then it started like any other ordinary cardridge would. It was working fine,
until a few days later when i was playing my favorite level in the game,
"Aquas". Then out of no where at the same time Peppy,Slippy, And falco vanished.
Then the water of the level turned Red. My submerine whent slower and slower as
i aproached a black figure. It reminded me of fox himself. But when i got closer
it turned to fox's submerine and Said "Your my game now". I was so shocked a
screached and knocked my sunny D Beverage all over my Nintendo 64. as i went to
see if it was ok, red smoke came out of the system and formed the shape of a
skull, Probably My Skull!!! I ran to my Friend Kyle's house, But his mom said he
has been camping with his dad for the whole summer. So i went back to my house
and wondered," whos was that who knocked on my door the other morning?" it
could'nt have been kyle. So to my luck my system was working fine. I just had to
keep playing, so i did. When i started my game, it took me straight to the seen
when you destroy andross and fox's dead father was leading you out. But he was
misleading me. He took my the wrong direction saying "BE MINE" in red text until
i finnaly crashed. It was an instant game over. But i saw i had 9 lives. The
screeen went black for about 34 seconds. Then a score boared came up, as if i
had been succesful in the previouse level. But to my suprise, My score was 6664,
in bold red text. But then the screen faded black for another 34 seconds. This
frightened me to the point to where i did not want to continue. But i still did.
I reset my 64 and started the game. When i was at the title screen it was black
it the back-ground. Each charector looked as if they were crying red tears,
likley to be "Blood".................... I pressed start and saw General Pepper.
He was just staring. After about 25 seconds he started to scream, Moose bumps
raced down my spine. I can feel them now as i am typing this very moment. After
that horrid scream, it went silent and he said "I Warned you"...
To this very
day i regret not listening to him.As the screen started to fade, i could hear
fox weeping in the background. I was scared for him, Scared for me!!!. But i
continued to procced anyhow. The music from Venom was playing, Slowley. It
worried me. i played through almost the entire game with only that one song
playing, no voices, no nothing. ..other than that in was perfectly normal. As i
got to the end of my battle with andross i defeated him. Thenit was silent. Not
even the music of Venom was playing. As i started to procceed out of the room i
saw fox's dad James Mcloude Just standing there, not even with an AR-WING. Fox's
ship just stopped in mid-air levatating. Then james Mcloud started to float up,
not moving a single Muscle. Then his eyes turned red, and started to leak
hyper-realistic blood,the game turned off on it's own. It never worked again
after this. I now keep it hidden in my closet on the 2nd shelf pushed towards
the left, next to all my other games. I still have nightmars about those time
with me and the game. I never will foget them...

 
what great timing with the stopwatch. '24.2' seconds lol
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oops, triple posted. sorry.

 

BE WARNED WALL OF TEXT BELOW

this is what i'm reviewing next

 

Wall of Text

It was an average july moring, the 23 at 8:24 in fact. I had just gotten out of bed. Then i heard a knock on my door bell. It was my buddy ol' pal Kyle. I noticed it was unussaly early for any of my buds to comeover. So i answerd the door, it was my friend kyle. I noticed he looked awfuly tired today, he was reaching out his hand that had a fox-like flash drive in it. Kyle said nothing.... His face was like romani on Majora's mask if you did not succeed on dostroying the alians, BARE AND DULL!!!... So I Just took the flash drive and shut the door. Now in my room, I noticed something Percillyer. The fox-like flash drive had sun glasses, as if someone, or should i say "something"... Drew on the drive with a black sharpie marker when i was'nt looking. How it got there you ask, I don't know to this very day. So i'm studying the FlashDrive and i noticed there was the letters S.F.64. So I assumed there was a rom of Starefox 64 on it. And to my suprise when i plugged in There was... So as you all know, i'm a big star fox fan, so i just had to play it. So i tunred it on, and when the title screen came on, i noticed that fox's hand had blood dripping from his hand. And the title was a little differant from my memory, it said "STARFOX 6664" I was flabbergasted by what i have saw... But i said to my self "hey it's a glitch, happens all the time" So i pressed start. Immeditly i Saw General Peppy telling telling me "FOX, IT'S A TRAP!!!" But as if it was speaking to me, not fox. But i started the game anyhow. Then suddenly it started all on it's own. I was speachless. the screen went black for approximently "24.2" seconds. Then it started like any other ordinary cardridge would. It was working fine, until a few days later when i was playing my favorite level in the game, "Aquas". Then out of no where at the same time Peppy,Slippy, And falco vanished. Then the water of the level turned Red. My submerine whent slower and slower as i aproached a black figure. It reminded me of fox himself. But when i got closer it turned to fox's submerine and Said "Your my game now". I was so shocked a screached and knocked my sunny D Beverage all over my Nintendo 64. as i went to see if it was ok, red smoke came out of the system and formed the shape of a skull, Probably My Skull!!! I ran to my Friend Kyle's house, But his mom said he has been camping with his dad for the whole summer. So i went back to my house and wondered," whos was that who knocked on my door the other morning?" it could'nt have been kyle. So to my luck my system was working fine. I just had to keep playing, so i did. When i started my game, it took me straight to the seen when you destroy andross and fox's dead father was leading you out. But he was misleading me. He took my the wrong direction saying "BE MINE" in red text until i finnaly crashed. It was an instant game over. But i saw i had 9 lives. The screeen went black for about 34 seconds. Then a score boared came up, as if i had been succesful in the previouse level. But to my suprise, My score was 6664, in bold red text. But then the screen faded black for another 34 seconds. This frightened me to the point to where i did not want to continue. But i still did. I reset my 64 and started the game. When i was at the title screen it was black it the back-ground. Each charector looked as if they were crying red tears, likley to be "Blood".................... I pressed start and saw General Pepper. He was just staring. After about 25 seconds he started to scream, Moose bumps raced down my spine. I can feel them now as i am typing this very moment. After that horrid scream, it went silent and he said "I Warned you"...

To this very day i regret not listening to him.As the screen started to fade, i could hear fox weeping in the background. I was scared for him, Scared for me!!!. But i continued to procced anyhow. The music from Venom was playing, Slowley. It worried me. i played through almost the entire game with only that one song playing, no voices, no nothing. ..other than that in was perfectly normal. As i got to the end of my battle with andross i defeated him. Thenit was silent. Not even the music of Venom was playing. As i started to procceed out of the room i saw fox's dad James Mcloude Just standing there, not even with an AR-WING. Fox's ship just stopped in mid-air levatating. Then james Mcloud started to float up, not moving a single Muscle. Then his eyes turned red, and started to leak hyper-realistic blood,the game turned off on it's own. It never worked again after this. I now keep it hidden in my closet on the 2nd shelf pushed towards the left, next to all my other games. I still have nightmars about those time with me and the game. I never will foget them...

 

what great timing with the stopwatch. '24.2' seconds lol

Might wanna put dat in a spoiler

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