my story

[update questioner246 10]

hello! this is my first Don't Starve story i will post the first part and if you like it i will post the second part and so forth. hope you enjoy! pt.1the noise from the ground grows louder the closer i get to it,but i NEED the amulet, i know what will happen when i try to grab it. i just can't do it, i slump to the ground, i NEED the amulet... A-HA! my fishing rod! this will be risky i know that, but i have to try. i position myself right in front of the amulet and cast, DANG! to far! i reel in and try again.Time seems to go in slow motion as the line fly's ... Time goes back to normal as the line lands on the amulet and the tentacle burst through the soft ground and i black out... what did you think?

[BarovSoap 878]

It lacks pretty much everything. Who is talking, where are they, why/how did they get there?

[update questioner246 10]

FINE i'm gone from this fourum...

[a horse inwater 10]

i... guess its okay i... kinda like it!

[stormfront 26]

not bad I hope you expand on it some more

[toejam 24]

HAHA! The exchange:Dude1 - "What do you think?"Dude2 - "I think its not done."Dude1 - "Screw it, Bye."...Stories need a Beginning, Middle, and End. This is part of a good Middle.

[BarovSoap 878]

HAHA! The exchange:Dude1 - "What do you think?"Dude2 - "I think its not done."Dude1 - "Screw it, Bye."...Stories need a Beginning, Middle, and End. This is part of a good Middle.

They asked for feedback so I gave it to them. I was just being honest.

[toejam 24]

That's the best kind of feedback !

[stormfront 26]

I hope @update questioner246 comes back aside from it needing proper setup its well written and it would be a shame if it goes unfinished...

[kilozombie2 31]

Time doesn't seem to go in "slow motion" when the writing is as fast paced as it gets.Slow down a bit! Feel free to extend things into multiple paragraphs, otherwise it doesn't even seem like you tried.

[a horse inwater 10]

HAHA! The exchange:Dude1 - "What do you think?"Dude2 - "I think its not done."Dude1 - "Screw it, Bye."...Stories need a Beginning, Middle, and End. This is part of a good Middle.

i know right?