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Rotwood Coming to Steam Early Access April 24

Survive the Shadows - Story

Aileen-Rose
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Arlesienne

Arlesienne

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Everyone is better with leaf ears.

Okay, now that your resident writer has read the whole thing, she's ready to post a little review. First of all, hats off for tackling the project. You're primarily an animator, right? They usually have others write them scripts... Your dedication and perseverance is admirable.

The first thing that comes to mind after reading this is: Wicker is the power behind the throne. You captured her nicely (my money goes to your WX though - he doesn't get much spotlight, but when he does, he shines... no pun intended) while keeping a fine shroud of mystery about her. I wish you had her manner of speech highlighted. She doesn't feel half as loquacious as in the game. But overall, she and WX, and Woodie... Cue me clapping :).

Now another thing is Wigfrid. Who with her Scottish accent comes off so nicely. It's worth commending: other characters, except for the great WX and Woodie to an extent, do not have real speech distinction. Wigfrid does and it is a blessing. You draw her sweetly too.

Speaking of sweetness. The story is so sweet and touching, and fuzzy if you catch my drift... It's not a bad thing, but you will want to watch it. This world is darker than it seems. I had a saddening impression many characters acted OOC. You have the snarky, scarred, socially-challenged Willow. Her entrée is fantastic - but then the entire romance... too fast if you ask me. Then Wendy - you created a wholly different child: your!Wendy is a sweet, innocent girl, with nothing of the morbid game!Wendy. It is aimed at the familial feel, I imagine, although that's not what I'd think if when writing for this setting. You could have made Webber like that, staying true to his character. For some reason you went "papa" with Wendy. There is a lot of melodrama here in general. You need to ask yourself if this is exactly what you're aiming for.

I loved the pigmen. I really did. Though... why do they speak like this? In the game, they have a very basic vocabulary and rarely use sentences. Still, they were great.

I think this is something you will want to focus on: characterisation. It's handled really well in the game. Every character has a distinctive style. If we're at Wigfrid, I enjoyed her here, but felt like I was constantly reading off-stage!Wigfrid, not her act. Woodie went more than well, though I'd love to hear more of a Canadian pattern to his words. C'mon, buddy, you ready to give it another go, eh? Wolfgang too has his speech too "regular". No show of his love of fine meals either. I'd greatly appreciate more descriptions too. There are minor grammar, spelling and punctuation slips, but I won't go into such detail here. Even so, it's always best to show rather than tell. Let the scenes move at varied pace. Let the narrative flow. You want tension to ebb along a sinusoidal line. And employing more detailed descriptions is essential to this. Don't just say that Wilson gripped his spear against a varg. Tell us about its texture, how it shook in his trembling hand. Compare it to his first experiments that backfired because he was nervous. Describe the putrid stench of rotting meat in the beast's maw. Not just sight, but hearing, touch, olfacoception, taste should need be! I'm sure you can do this, just try it. I know we all want dialogues as they're fun to act out, but before your audience gathers, you need to set the stage :).

Lastly, head-hopping. Away with this. Split the chapters into smaller chunks, but stick to one person's POV. It will give you much more room for characterisation too. Everybody wins ;).

Good luck with new artistic endeavours!

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Aileen-Rose

Aileen-Rose

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1 hour ago, DragonMage156 said:

Seeing that giant gash in Wilson chest still makes me worry XD

Wounds.png

I've noticed this is getting brought up a lot, so to kind of put some minds at ease, let's remember this is a dream. The comic started with Wilson asleep so this is all taking place in his subconscious.

To note, the wound Wilson has is about as big as you see in the image above. The reason it looks bigger on the other pages is because of the blood pooling on him. You'd be surprised how much you bleed from your chest from one simple slash or cut. (There's a lot of capillaries located there.) It definitely needs to be treated, but it's not a huge threat due to the fact it's not reality.

Just look what happened to William during What Lies Beneath. That kind of injury should've killed him. But, subconscious/dream logic works differently than real world logic.

So... Just so nobody lose their head, Wilson isn't dying. He'll be fine. (Spoiler I guess.)

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